Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Ladies, Does This Sound Like Batman?

Not pushing or not pushing this, but his description is spot on for B-Man._NS

Catch Him & Keep Him

Can He Make You Happy For The Long Term? Your New Mr. Right Checklist

For example, maybe he lost his job or a particular sport or activity he's devoted to, or maybe someone close to him passed away.

If you've been dating a man when one of these kinds of situations came up in his life, you almost certainly watched him pull back from you a bit once it happened. Men often do this when they feel their life and significance is in crisis.

But here's where differences between an emotionally mature man and an immature man show up:

The Emotionally Immature Man Runs And Hides

An emotionally immature man will completely withdraw without warning. He will completely avoid addressing the issues he's facing and the feelings he's going through. Not only will he block himself out of his own feelings, but he'll block you and your relationship completely out as well.

An immature man can't admit when he's going through a challenging time, and he can't open up and see that allowing the people he's closest to and loves the most to be there to listen and support him is the best thing.

Instead, he wants to isolate himself to try and make the pain and the problem go away. But it doesn't work that way.

On the other hand, an emotionally mature man will handle things very differently...

The Emotionally Mature Man Stands Still And Lets You In

While an emotionally mature man will still feel the pain and frustration of his circumstances and might even noticeably pull back a bit in all areas of his life, he WON'T shut the woman he loves out of his heart and mind.

In fact, an emotionally mature man knows that in order to have a truly loving and honest relationship, he has to be honest about who he is and how he's feeling, even when he's feeling down about himself. And he can't hide away if he's going to stay close and loving with the woman in his life.

Emotionally mature men are willing to show their feelings, and more importantly, they're able to allow the woman in their life to "see" them even when they're going through a difficult time.

They will avoid the temptation men feel to shut down and go into "survival mode" all alone in isolation.

Have You Ever Watched A Man Go Into Survival Mode?

If you have, you know that there's no talking him down from it. It's simply a matter of whether or not the man has the mental and emotional tools inside him to handle the situation in a better way.

Mature men understand that their feelings can't simply be stuffed away or shut off, or else the relationship and the women in their life suffers as well.

If you feel you might need a little extra help when it comes to handling these moments when a man is going through a difficult situation, check out my program Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship. I'll talk you through everything you need to know so that a man feels safe with you, and I'll give you specific tips for communicating with him in a way that brings you two closer:

Watch Communication Secrets

Maturity In Action: The Signs To Look For

Now that you're starting to get what I'm talking about, start looking for signs of emotional maturity in any and all of the men around you. Practice looking at all areas of a man's life, and you'll be able to identify a man's emotional maturity level:

Maturity Area #1: Work

Is the man able to handle adversity, criticism or even intense politics at work and remain level-headed, relatively calm, or even compassionate?

Or is he spiteful, does he talk about problems instead of thinking about solutions and how to improve personal dynamics in his work life and relationships?

Compassion and the ability to handle complex mental and emotional situations without coming unglued or doing negative or harmful things to other people is one of the best signs of emotional maturity - and sensitivity as well.

Maturity Area #2: Friends

What type of people does a man spend his time around?

It has been said that you can know all you need to know about a person simply by looking at the people they spend their time around. A man's closest friends and peers are one of the very best windows into his mental and emotional world.

Are a man's friends people of integrity? Are they doing positive things with their lives and committed to living a good life?

And are a man's friends capable of being in mature and committed relationships? Does he have any married friends who have stable relationships where both partners are relatively happy and fulfilled? Men spend most of their time with people whose values they share.

Maturity Area #3: Family

How does a man handle his relationships with his family members?

Sure, lots of people have challenging family situations, but whether or not a guy's parents are together is not what's really telling about him. It's more important whether or not he's on stable emotional footing in the way he relates to his parents.

Fighting intensely with parents, high and low emotional swings, or completely estranged situations without a clear reason can be signs of deeper emotional turmoil that's unresolved and might mean that a man will have trouble being there and being present and stable with you emotionally.

Separating The Good Guys From The Players

So you know, there are other key areas of maturity you should look for in a man to make sure you're not wasting your time with someone who isn't capable of the relationship you deserve.

My eBook Catch Him & Keep Him reveals how you can separate the relationship-ready guys from the players. Here's your chance to get the inside story from the mind of a man and find out the tell-tale (and not so obvious) signs that a guy is just wasting your time.

So that the next time you wonder if a guy is stringing you along, just jump to page 59 and know right away what kind of man you have on your hands... and how to handle him:

Download My eBook

You'll also learn the NUMBER ONE thing that scares a great guy away... and how to make sure a fantastic relationship never slips through your fingers.

Getting The Answers You Need From Him

Now, there are two ways to go about talking to a man and getting clearer about what kind of guy he is emotionally: You can be direct, or you can be indirect.

It's easiest to start off with being indirect. All you have to do is start talking about your friends, family and work (the three areas of maturity). Once you start talking and connecting, just simply ask him about these three areas in his life one at a time.

When he answers, dig a little deeper and try and get him talking about how he FEELS about these things. How does he FEEL about the people at work and his family?

Get him to talk about his friends and tell you what he likes about them and what makes them tick. You'll be surprised by how much a man will share about who he is and how he lives his life if you simply ask great questions about all three of these important areas.

Once you've talked with a man and perhaps you feel more comfortable, feel free to be direct with him. Asking more direct questions about him and his life once you've both been talking and opening up will feel MUCH more natural to a man than if you spring a direct question on him at the start of a conversation.

How To Attract A Mature Man

Now that you know how to zero in on a mature man who is capable of a stable, committed relationship with you, all you need to do is attract him.

Of course, if you've been through your share of dating disappointments and immature men, then this doesn't sound easy. But it is - IF you know how attraction works for a man and how to embody the kind of qualities a man finds irresistibly attractive in a woman.

In my eBook, I explain what draws a man in to connect deeply with you so he can't help but want to see you again and again. I'll tell you what makes a man see you as a "cool girl" he wants to get to know on a deeper level.

You'll also learn what to do and say - and what not to do and say - with a man during every stage of interaction with him from dating through exclusivity.

Once you read the male dating secrets in my eBook, you'll wish you had known about all this stuff years ago. So make sure you download and digest it before you even think about going on your next date:

Download My eBook

In order to get into a committed relationship with a mature man, you need to know how to identify him AND the specific ways to attract him. Once you master these two steps, I know your love life is going to get much, much easier... and a whole lot more fun.

I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian

Program Catalog | Frequently Asked Questions

Friday, March 23, 2012

Real Info for "More Real" Characters: What men and women notice on dates By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

What men and women notice on dates

Dating costs plenty of dough, no doubt about it. But when it comes to spending your hard-earned cash, where should you invest it in order to get the most mileage when it comes to dating? In other words, before hitting the meet-and-greet scene next weekend, what’s really going to make you more attractive to the opposite sex — and what’s a waste of your dating dollars?

Before you max out a credit card trying to win your date’s affections (or convince someone you’re hot), check out these interesting tidbits we dug up for more budget-conscious men and women. Because when it comes to putting your best flirting foot forward, it doesn’t always have to be about your shoes!

1. Men say that having gorgeous hair trumps a curvy figure. Trying to decide between a pre-date trip to the salon or Victoria’s Secret, ladies? Go for the fab hair option. According to a recent survey conducted by Pantene, 60% of men surveyed would rather date a woman with great hair than noticeable curves — and 74% of them said they notice a woman because of her hair.

In fact, a full 44% of male respondents said that hair was the first thing they notice about a woman… even before her clothes (26%), legs (25%) and makeup (4%). Most of the men who took Pantene’s poll also said they’d be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than one who was wearing a low-cut shirt.

This is great news, since monthly hair upkeep is more of a necessity than sexy lingerie if you’re a woman who’s on a budget. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear sassy underwear if you’ve got it — but when change is tight (like in this tanked economy), it’s good to know that a well-timed mane flip can still make you a main attraction.

2. Guys find pink or red lips more alluring than the sexiest pair of stilettos. Should you invest in a pair of high heels, or that new Chanel red lipstick? If you’re forced to choose just one of these items, research shows that rouged lips are a better bet. In a recent Match.com survey of over 24,000 men and women, 88% of respondents said their date’s laugh made a bigger impression on a first date; only 12% picked shoes (there goes that perfect excuse for buying a new pair of Manolo Blahniks, right?).

Add a pop of red to that smiling and laughing mouth, and your attractiveness spikes even more, according to a study from the University of Manchester published in the UK’s Daily Mail.

Researchers tracked the eye movements of 50 men and discovered that that in the 10 seconds after meeting a woman for the first time, the average guy will spend more than half of his time gazing at her mouth. If she’s applied lipstick, he’ll find it even more difficult to look away: a dash of pink can hold his attention for 6.7 seconds, while red keeps him fixated for 7.3 seconds.

According to the study, fuller pouts were the overall preference, though the appeal of thin-lipped women increased by 40% when lipstick was applied — but when the ladies went completely bare, men tired of looking at their mouths after only 2.2 seconds. So regardless of your lip type, it pays to paint your pucker on date night.

3. Women looking for real relationships are more impressed by traditional love tokens than an expensive ride. Guys like cars, sure — but are women equally impressed by them? It seems that if you’re a man who’s looking for the real thing, then you’re ultimately better off sinking your cash into thoughtful gestures (i.e., dinners, flowers, etc.) than those flashy wheels to get the girl of your dreams.

A study of over 1,000 men conducted by researchers from Rice University, the University of Texas-San Antonio (UTSA), and the University of Minnesota revealed that being in possession of a Porsche did make a man more desirable to women than owning a non-luxury car, such as a Honda Civic. However, the attraction ended there.

While women found men showing off a flashy product (like a brightly colored sports car) to be more attractive when it came to dating, that same trait didn’t make men more desirable as marriage partners or for long-term committed relationships, the study’s authors explained.

In fact, they found that women inferred from men’s flashy spending that they were only interested in having casual hook-ups with their dates. So if you’re looking for something more than a fling, don’t worry what you’re chauffeuring your cutie around in — focus on making her feel special instead.

4. Men and women agree: being physically fit makes someone more attractive and relationship-worthy to them. If you’re looking to up your sex appeal on you next date, what will serve you better: looking hot, or getting the two of you intoxicated? This may be a no-brainer, but if you’re thinking of having something more than just a fling, spend your dollars getting rid of your doughy middle and strive for six-pack abs instead.

According to the 2011 Great Male Survey by AskMen.com, 38% of men think that great abs are appreciated the most by women (and most of us gals would agree).

This gym expenditure goes for women, too: having a fit figure is definitely going to get you more long-term action than a martini ever could. In fact, 47% of men surveyed by AskMen.com said they’d dump their girlfriend for getting fat (OK, to give some men credit, 53% said they wouldn’t), and that’s some good motivation to hit the cardio circuit.

If that’s still not enough to convince you, keep in mind that working out will also increase your prowess in the bedroom. In fact, a study published in the American Journal of Cardiology indicated that treadmill exercise duration predicted sexual activity duration (specifically, a 2.3-minute increase in sexual activity duration for each minute of treadmill time).

So the next time you’re tempted by the hottie who’s running on the gym treadmill next to you, why not ask that person out?

5. Bad hygiene is a universal turn-off, regardless of what you’re wearing. While Mark Twain famously said that “clothes make the man” (or woman, as the case may be), all the designer duds in the world won’t impress your date if you haven’t had a shower first. In fact, a recent Match.com poll asked nearly 35,000 men and women to name their biggest turn-off on a date. The responses included bad breath (11%), dirty fingernails (1%), body odor (16%) or all of the above (72%). Not surprisingly, bad hygiene is a mood killer for romance.

In terms of dating economics, it doesn’t matter if you’re dressed in Prada, Armani or something from Old Navy (just make sure to wear whatever fits well and makes you feel confident).

What absolutely, unequivocally matters is that you’re clean and smell good before you arrive. Brush your teeth, wash your hands, and use deodorant; for maximum marketability, always put your money where your mouth is!

Kimberly Dawn Neumann (www.KDNeumann.com) is a popular New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Redbook, Maxim and frequently online. A certified dating/relationship coach, she’s published two books: The Real Reasons Men Commit and Sex Comes First and is the founder of www.DatingDivaDaily.com.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Character Traits/Actions: Expert tips for calming pre-date jitters

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

You know the drill: It’s time to head off to that coffee shop or cute little tapas place on the first of what (you hope) will be many dates with someone special. You thought you were fine, and have even been looking forward to meeting up together. But then the nerves take hold, and whoa... your heart is racing, your upper lip gets sweaty and you’re suddenly stammering.

If you can relate, help is here. We’re going to teach you how to overcome this common problem. We’ve rounded up advice from experts who teach people how to stay calm in nerve-wracking situations. Try their tips below for putting your best dating foot forward.

Tip #1: Keep a healthy perspective about what first dates are really for

“The first and most important step in overcoming the fear is to put your first date in perspective: this is not an appointment with the dentist or brain surgeon who may inflict pain on you; rather, it is a conversation with another person. The worst thing that can happen is that you won’t connect with the person sitting across from you — it’s hardly the end of the world!

"Second, think of this date as a two-way process. You are interviewing a potential partner as much as your date is interviewing you. Is there a good fit here? What looks good on the surface or on paper may not be what it appears to be for either party. Investigate whether this person is a good match for you and whether you want to invest a significant part of your life and energy in future dates.”

— Troy Saviola, recruiter for NBC Universal

Tip #2: Breathe deeply while counting silently to calm yourself down

“Here is a simple (but amazingly powerful) breathing technique you can easily do to manage stress while sitting in the car or on the train before a date. While breathing through the nose only, inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of six. It only takes about two or three minutes to experience a noticeable, full-body calming effect.

"The reason?

"Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system to counteract the ‘[freeze,] fight-or-flight’ response[s] underl[y] your jitters and results in shallower breathing. And if, during the date, you feel yourself getting nervous again, ask an open-ended question, like: ‘So, what’s working at a college really like?’ and then put a soft smile on your face while you breathe the shakes away!”

— Jonathan Fields, founder of Sonic Yoga

Tip #3: Concentrate on the present moment instead of worrying about the future

“Dating is like auditioning — the stakes are high, so nerves will undoubtedly come into play. I would tell daters the same thing I tell my actors: When you get nervous, put your concentration into the present moment instead of the outcome. Every time you start to think about the future — 'Will this person ask me out on a second date?' — force yourself to focus on the conversation at hand.

"You stand a better chance of booking another date if you can let someone see the type of person you really are, and that you’d be easy to get along with. You can’t do that if you’re draining your own energy trying to figure out what your date wants and what the result might be.”

— Andy Gale, Broadway acting coach

Tip #4: Release pre-date tension by working up a sweat in the gym

“Work out first! You’ll have a positive feeling from all the endorphins, you’ll feel more confident about your appearance, and you’ll have released the tension from your muscles. Or, instead of going right to the date from your office or home, socialize a bit first — either by meeting a friend somewhere or otherwise putting yourself in a situation where you’re turning on your most positive personality for others.

"Doing this will make you walk into the date already feeling engaged and ‘up.’ Just do not talk about the upcoming date while you’re socializing, because that will put your mind back on the subject... and could make you nervous all over again.”

— Ron Geraci, New York City-based online dating coach

Tip #5: Put any negative thoughts in writing, then put a positive spin on them before leaving for your date

“Divide a sheet of paper in half. On the left side of the page, write down how your critical inner voices or negative thoughts are undermining your self-confidence. Write them down as though you are talking to yourself; for example, ‘Don’t get too excited about this date. He/she is not going to find you attractive enough.’

"Next, on the right-hand side of the page, write down a more realistic or congenial statement about yourself. Like, ‘I may not be a supermodel, but I have good features and a sense of humor.’ Decide which of these more positive, realistic statements you will act on before your date begins. They reflect the real you.”

— Robert Firestone, Ph.D., co-author of The Ethics of Interpersonal Relationships

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a writer in New York City who calms her first-date jitters by dancing around her apartment to passionate Latin music in heels.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

=====
I recall a suggesting, which I believe came from an Ask Jake section of Glamour Magazine. Masturbate BEFORE your date, to chill and take the edge off, and release these pent up energies and mellow out with the after satisfaction hormones. _Neale Sourna

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Character Study: 5 Signs She's Into You

5 signs she’s into you

By Chelsea Kaplan

5 signs she’s into you

Let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s tough to tell if your date’s just being nice or if she’s really into you. So if you need help sussing out your lady love’s true feelings, check out these pointers from Greg Hartley, former Army Special Forces interrogator and author of I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language. Who knew your date’s smile, complexion and even where she places her handbag can reveal whether she considers you friend or boyfriend material? Read on!

Five signs your date is into you…

1. She tilts her head
“When a woman sees and feels especially comfortable with a man, she will tilt her head,” Hartley says. A tilt in any direction — right, left or down — are all signs that she’s interested in getting to know you better — say, over another date.

2. She takes a sip when you take a sip
When a woman is drawn to a guy, she’ll instinctively mirror his actions, Hartley says. While men do this, too, women are more likely than men to first begin the copying. What should you look for? “You might notice she will shift her body in the same direction as yours or take your lead for behavioral changes like, picking up a glass to drink or blinking her eyes repeatedly if you’re doing so,” he suggests. If you want to test her, lean forward and see if she comes closer, too.

3. She twirls her hair
Since the beginning of time, a woman’s hair has been celebrated as a symbol of her beauty and power. And it’s true today, says Hartley: If your date begins twirling or playing with her hair while talking to you, it is a good sign she’s into you and subconsciously trying to attract you.

4. She gets a glow
While blushing often means embarrassment, don’t assume that her rosy cheeks are an indication of discomfort. When a woman is attracted to someone, blood flows to her face, causing her cheeks to get redder, Hartley explains. And if your date is smitten, he adds, her lips and even eyelids will get fuller, too.

5. Her pupils dilate
While your gaze is fixed on her, pay particular attention to her pupils, advises Hartley. “When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils will dilate,” he notes. “Essentially, the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing.”

…and five signs your date is not into you

1. She crosses her arms
Did she assume the angry librarian stance? “When a woman on a date places her hands in front of her body — especially if they are crossed — she is closing herself off from the man,” Hartley notes. If you get this red flag, you don’t stand a chance… and she wants you to know it. “Men are not nearly as perceptive as women, so even if she’s not consciously aware of it, a woman knows her body language needs to be very loud,” Hartley explains. “In this instance, that body language reads loud and clear.”

2. She places her bag between you two
“When I ask male friends how a blind date went, step-by-step, and they say‘she put her bag on the table,’ I always know that’s a bad sign,” Hartley says. If your date places her purse — a real and physical barrier — between the two of you, she’s showing she wants to create distance, he says. Not a good sign.

3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer
So she seems to love talking to you? Before you start celebrating, note the speed of her small talk. “Romantic conversation does not occur at the same speed as business conversation,” Hartley says. “Conversation between two people who are attracted typically slows to about three-quarter speed and softens in tone. In fact, most emotional conversation — with the exception of when it is very hostile — is at a slowed cadence.” That said, she may be nervous early in your first date, and her nerves can cause her to spit her sentences out in rapid-fire succession. But if by the end of the evening she’s still going at a rapid rate, consider it a clue that she just wants to be friends at best.

4. She offers you a chin-up smile
Though it’s tempting to interpret any old smile as a sign of interest, all smiles are not created equal. Smiles can say a lot: “I’m polite,” “I’m crazy about you,” and, believe it or not, “I can’t stand you.” The secret to decoding what her smile really means? It’s all in the chin placement. A woman who gives you a relaxed, chin-down “soft smile” is smitten and wants you to dig her back, Hartley explains. A full-on toothpaste grin or stiff and polite smile — both of which generally involve the chin raised up — mean either, “I like you as a friend” or “I wanna get out of here!”

5. She strokes her neck
If your date’s telling you she agrees that you should get together again, that’s a good sign, right? Maybe, says Hartley. “Her body language may be the key to the real truth,” he says. “If a woman is gently stroking her neck when telling you this, it may be a sign that she’s interested, but it is also known to be a sign of lying.” To figure out which message she’s sending, consider the aforementioned “she’s not into you” signals. If she’s also giving you the raised-chin smile and speaking to you over a giant purse, you may want to move on to your next prospect.

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of www.thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio’s “Broad Minded.” Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com. For the other side of this story, read 5 signs he’s into you.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Study: Men Men Go for Good Looks

Well, here's something old and yet new in which to reconsider and think and feel through as you form characters whose stories you tell.
--Neale
==================

Study: Men Men Go for Good Looks

By RANDOLPH E. SCHMID

The Associated Press

September 03, 2007

Science is confirming what most women know: When given the choice for a mate, men go for good looks.

And guys won't be surprised to learn that women are much choosier about partners than they are.

'Just because people say they're looking for a particular set of characteristics in a mate, someone like themselves, doesn't mean that is what they'll end up choosing,' Peter M. Todd, of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, said in a telephone interview.

Researchers led by Todd report in Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that their study found humans were similar to most other mammals, 'following Darwin's principle of choosy females and competitive males, even if humans say something different.'

Their study involved 26 men and 20 women in Munich, Germany.

Participants ranged in age from 26 to their early 40s and took part in 'speed dating,' short meetings of three to seven minutes in which people chat, then move on to meet another dater. Afterward, participants check off the people they'd like to meet again, and dates can be arranged between pairs who select one another.

Speed dating let researchers look at a lot of mate choices in a short time, Todd said.

In the study, participants were asked before the session to fill out a questionnaire about what they were looking for in a mate, listing such categories as wealth and status, family commitment, physical appearance, healthiness and attractiveness.

After the session, the researchers compared what the participants said they were looking for with the people they actually chose to ask for another date.

Men's choices did not reflect their stated preferences, the researchers concluded. Instead, men appeared to base their decisions mostly on the women's physical attractiveness.

The men also appeared to be much less choosy. Men tended to select nearly every woman above a certain minimum attractiveness threshold, Todd said.

Women's actual choices, like men's, did not reflect their stated preferences, but they made more discriminating choices, the researchers found.

The scientists said women were aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men, and adjusted their expectations to select the more desirable guys.

'Women made offers to men who had overall qualities that were on a par with the women's self-rated attractiveness. They didn't greatly overshoot their attractiveness,' Todd said, 'because part of the goal for women is to choose men who would stay with them'

But, he added, 'they didn't go lower. They knew what they could get and aimed for that level.'

So, it turns out, the women's attractiveness influenced the choices of the men and the women.

___

On the Net:

PNAS: http://www.pnas.org

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)