Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Ladies, Does This Sound Like Batman?

Not pushing or not pushing this, but his description is spot on for B-Man._NS

Catch Him & Keep Him

Can He Make You Happy For The Long Term? Your New Mr. Right Checklist

For example, maybe he lost his job or a particular sport or activity he's devoted to, or maybe someone close to him passed away.

If you've been dating a man when one of these kinds of situations came up in his life, you almost certainly watched him pull back from you a bit once it happened. Men often do this when they feel their life and significance is in crisis.

But here's where differences between an emotionally mature man and an immature man show up:

The Emotionally Immature Man Runs And Hides

An emotionally immature man will completely withdraw without warning. He will completely avoid addressing the issues he's facing and the feelings he's going through. Not only will he block himself out of his own feelings, but he'll block you and your relationship completely out as well.

An immature man can't admit when he's going through a challenging time, and he can't open up and see that allowing the people he's closest to and loves the most to be there to listen and support him is the best thing.

Instead, he wants to isolate himself to try and make the pain and the problem go away. But it doesn't work that way.

On the other hand, an emotionally mature man will handle things very differently...

The Emotionally Mature Man Stands Still And Lets You In

While an emotionally mature man will still feel the pain and frustration of his circumstances and might even noticeably pull back a bit in all areas of his life, he WON'T shut the woman he loves out of his heart and mind.

In fact, an emotionally mature man knows that in order to have a truly loving and honest relationship, he has to be honest about who he is and how he's feeling, even when he's feeling down about himself. And he can't hide away if he's going to stay close and loving with the woman in his life.

Emotionally mature men are willing to show their feelings, and more importantly, they're able to allow the woman in their life to "see" them even when they're going through a difficult time.

They will avoid the temptation men feel to shut down and go into "survival mode" all alone in isolation.

Have You Ever Watched A Man Go Into Survival Mode?

If you have, you know that there's no talking him down from it. It's simply a matter of whether or not the man has the mental and emotional tools inside him to handle the situation in a better way.

Mature men understand that their feelings can't simply be stuffed away or shut off, or else the relationship and the women in their life suffers as well.

If you feel you might need a little extra help when it comes to handling these moments when a man is going through a difficult situation, check out my program Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship. I'll talk you through everything you need to know so that a man feels safe with you, and I'll give you specific tips for communicating with him in a way that brings you two closer:

Watch Communication Secrets

Maturity In Action: The Signs To Look For

Now that you're starting to get what I'm talking about, start looking for signs of emotional maturity in any and all of the men around you. Practice looking at all areas of a man's life, and you'll be able to identify a man's emotional maturity level:

Maturity Area #1: Work

Is the man able to handle adversity, criticism or even intense politics at work and remain level-headed, relatively calm, or even compassionate?

Or is he spiteful, does he talk about problems instead of thinking about solutions and how to improve personal dynamics in his work life and relationships?

Compassion and the ability to handle complex mental and emotional situations without coming unglued or doing negative or harmful things to other people is one of the best signs of emotional maturity - and sensitivity as well.

Maturity Area #2: Friends

What type of people does a man spend his time around?

It has been said that you can know all you need to know about a person simply by looking at the people they spend their time around. A man's closest friends and peers are one of the very best windows into his mental and emotional world.

Are a man's friends people of integrity? Are they doing positive things with their lives and committed to living a good life?

And are a man's friends capable of being in mature and committed relationships? Does he have any married friends who have stable relationships where both partners are relatively happy and fulfilled? Men spend most of their time with people whose values they share.

Maturity Area #3: Family

How does a man handle his relationships with his family members?

Sure, lots of people have challenging family situations, but whether or not a guy's parents are together is not what's really telling about him. It's more important whether or not he's on stable emotional footing in the way he relates to his parents.

Fighting intensely with parents, high and low emotional swings, or completely estranged situations without a clear reason can be signs of deeper emotional turmoil that's unresolved and might mean that a man will have trouble being there and being present and stable with you emotionally.

Separating The Good Guys From The Players

So you know, there are other key areas of maturity you should look for in a man to make sure you're not wasting your time with someone who isn't capable of the relationship you deserve.

My eBook Catch Him & Keep Him reveals how you can separate the relationship-ready guys from the players. Here's your chance to get the inside story from the mind of a man and find out the tell-tale (and not so obvious) signs that a guy is just wasting your time.

So that the next time you wonder if a guy is stringing you along, just jump to page 59 and know right away what kind of man you have on your hands... and how to handle him:

Download My eBook

You'll also learn the NUMBER ONE thing that scares a great guy away... and how to make sure a fantastic relationship never slips through your fingers.

Getting The Answers You Need From Him

Now, there are two ways to go about talking to a man and getting clearer about what kind of guy he is emotionally: You can be direct, or you can be indirect.

It's easiest to start off with being indirect. All you have to do is start talking about your friends, family and work (the three areas of maturity). Once you start talking and connecting, just simply ask him about these three areas in his life one at a time.

When he answers, dig a little deeper and try and get him talking about how he FEELS about these things. How does he FEEL about the people at work and his family?

Get him to talk about his friends and tell you what he likes about them and what makes them tick. You'll be surprised by how much a man will share about who he is and how he lives his life if you simply ask great questions about all three of these important areas.

Once you've talked with a man and perhaps you feel more comfortable, feel free to be direct with him. Asking more direct questions about him and his life once you've both been talking and opening up will feel MUCH more natural to a man than if you spring a direct question on him at the start of a conversation.

How To Attract A Mature Man

Now that you know how to zero in on a mature man who is capable of a stable, committed relationship with you, all you need to do is attract him.

Of course, if you've been through your share of dating disappointments and immature men, then this doesn't sound easy. But it is - IF you know how attraction works for a man and how to embody the kind of qualities a man finds irresistibly attractive in a woman.

In my eBook, I explain what draws a man in to connect deeply with you so he can't help but want to see you again and again. I'll tell you what makes a man see you as a "cool girl" he wants to get to know on a deeper level.

You'll also learn what to do and say - and what not to do and say - with a man during every stage of interaction with him from dating through exclusivity.

Once you read the male dating secrets in my eBook, you'll wish you had known about all this stuff years ago. So make sure you download and digest it before you even think about going on your next date:

Download My eBook

In order to get into a committed relationship with a mature man, you need to know how to identify him AND the specific ways to attract him. Once you master these two steps, I know your love life is going to get much, much easier... and a whole lot more fun.

I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian

Program Catalog | Frequently Asked Questions

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Good Old Days: Pre-Internet Sex—Prairie Family Whores

Two concepts that never mix quite properly in our mind’s eye are Sex and Old West. Think about those two things … together. You’re still inclined, or trained, well, we all are, to never really think of those two … together. Yeah, the men are aloof, tough and say “Yes, ma’am”; plus, the women are all either virgins—whether girls or women—or clean and happy whores.

But, then there’s human nature, reality, and taxes; more on these later.

[Good whore "Miss Kitty" with "friend"
Marshall Matt Dillon in TV's "Gunsmoke"]

Although I love his characters, American author Louis L’Amour (1908-88), king of the cowboy story, with his lone man against the elements and against other men (That’s gay!), and of course the one lone woman, in which he shows masculine, but gentlemanly interest.

She’s now a widow and clearly destined to be with “lone man,” after the book, while she’s presently living, uh, stranded on the prairie, alone, because her stupid and missing husband has actually gotten himself killed in an accident, after moving her out into the wide, flat nowhere, where any stray rapist male or wild animal (Hm, the same thing?) might….

Two sexless, American western frontier people, who are probably wearing out their wet, little fingers and hairy, hard palms far out of sight of violent but sexless L’Amour’s typewriter.

We’ve been encouraged by film and elementary history, but human nature negates our teachings. That long ago life was much less like sexless Gunsmoke and closer to “there’s sex in this story; but we don’t really dwell too much on it” with sweetie, white teen Natalie Wood being kidnapped, from the prairie, as a little girl (little sister in a pinafore Lana Wood) and sexed up by a “blue-eyed faux,” middle aged red Indian—.

“Oh, the mixing of the races and premature, not properly married under a Christian ceremony! Rescue her so we can humiliate her. But, at least she’s not preg—.” In John Ford’s The Searchers.

[Unknown Deadwood, Arizona prostitute]
http://www.legendsofamerica.com/sd-deadwoodpaintedladies.html]

Nope, those long ago days are closer to HBO’s Deadwood meets Little House; Bowdlerized, cleansed for youth fiction commerce and general-rated American entertainment; our descendants purifying the family links.

In 1865, newspaper editor Horace Greeley said, “Go West, young man,” and his words were a major drive for decades, along with found gold, silver, old growth timber, and the general advertising of adventuring, which sent men west.

And when these men got West, they discovered their cocks were hard, dry, and cuntless; since they’d left wives and girlfriends back East, because adventurin’ was man’s work (Fun!!!) or because they felt they hadn’t enough gold, silver, or whatever to afford a “good” woman, or any woman, as wife.

“Women are expensive, boy; but shore are convenien’, when the gonads get to achin’.”

So in a land filled with squaw rapists looking for white meat, enter adventurous women, desperate women, or women abandoned, or whatever. They came West, too.

Some “found men,” like a “good” woman should, to “take care of” them, way out in the middle of nowhere, far out on the scratchy, dusty, yards deep sod where stray, lonely men occasionally stop in for hospitality and a woman cooked meal….

John Ford again, with his half blind, eye patched view, and with a song and a passing of the jug, too. Or would that be a passing of the jugs.

[Actress Megan Fox as old west prostitute for film "Jonah Hex"
http://chud.com/articles/content_images/5/meganfoxjonahhex.jpg]

Well, think about all that western stuff in our heads and synthesize it with true human nature, and the cold reality of self- and family-interest/survival. What’s more important to them, raised on the Holy Bible, especially the mean Old Testament, which talked about a host protecting omnipotent Angels from violent and sexual men by pushing his own daughters out to these men, which he did. Gladly.

Yes, this is in the Old Testament and there’s a thing of ancient hospitality and a general disrespect in the Bible for sex-aged women, too; but that’s another comment.

What was more important to those in the Old West, because our grandparents spouted that same kind of reasoning, such as giving charity, but never accepting it.

Do you think these men ever wanted to suffer the humiliation of returning—unsuccessful and whipped—to their old eastern homes, as masculine failures? With their hand out for: charity, food, and a roof over their heads?

What wouldn’t they do to prevent that?

Greeley was a city guy, and probably never farmed a day in his life. Farming’s hard and weather erratic, cattle ranching, too; what is safely consistent are a man’s needs: drink, food, occupation, and women, well, something or someone in which to stick his cock.

Which makes him start to think and reason when his single friends come to his soddy house and eventually get around to asking, then begging, provided they’re nice and not overly violent enough to just take:

“Can I fuck your wife, please, please, please. I’d let you fuck my wife. How about the girl, she’s small; but at full woman’s price, a bargain.”

So, what’s more important to a husband and father, like that: not appearing to be or actually becoming a failure? Or their wife or daughter’s “purity,” “honor,” “innocence”?

“…pay your taxes, finally put down payment on that new plow blade.”

It’s a heartbreaking bit of reality, after all that virginity, Bible talk they were raised on, to find they’re not with fantasy King Solomon worshipping his fantasy woman but locked in the reality of what aloof, tough frontier men can really be like, when they’re cunt deprived, and you have a cunt.

And dad needs cash not grain, not cows, to pay the taxes, or the bank, or he loses everything.

“One hour with the girl.”

Or dad’s found that working a farm or ranch is harder than he thought, being a city kid, who “went West.”

“Forty-five minutes?”

Or he has done it before, but this isn’t lush Ohio with perfect farming land, this is cutting through yards of hard saw grass, pounded down by a few million years of tons of bison herds, before you can even get to the great farm land way beneath it. Oh, yeah, and the grasshoppers and locusts will eat all your grain you’re growing, so you have nothing to feed the cows or sell for cash.

“Fifteen minutes and I’ll marry her, if I get her with child.”

The frontier was a place where women died before their time, or prayed they would, because of the hard work, roving men, and bad birthing techniques, plus refusal of men to wear condoms (Just like many today! And those were the really thick kind then; but, that wasn’t the reason.).

[Old West prairie sod house family;
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/25/Rawding_family_sod_house.jpg]

“Good” women, if they knew what they were for, would refuse to have condoms, or “French Letters,” in their presence because men only wore those with whores, and a “good” woman’s not a whore. Of course not, she’s a yearly baby making machine, who’ll be replaced with a new wife to tend all her kids she left behind, when her uterus explodes and bleeds her out dead.

Ick. But true.

“What did you say? How much you’ll pay me, f-for…?”

“Steve’s interested, too. And Whitey. You could make serious progress on that bull stud.”

And, not so suddenly, your fourteen or so aged daughter is old enough for marriage, which her wedding trousseau will cost you.

Or her whoring, which pays you.

But, gentle reader, don’t think of a fourteen or twelve year old in that time as a teenager or adolescent, because both terms in the manner in which we use them, as implying a time between childhood and adulthood, which is extended childhood not true adulthood, didn’t exist then.

You were a child; you were grown. Children in England, in the 1800s could give consent for sex and sell their bodies at age eight or (If luckier?) begin their work lives in general. At least this way, it stays in the family.

—Neale Sourna

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Donnie Darko_Yeah!!! S. Darko_Fuck No.

Just rewatched the original Donnie Darko, not the Director's or the release with extra title explanations. Always excellent, profound, emotional.

The so-called sequel IS NOT. It is a clarion call for never letting your ownership rights to your best characters get away or abused, just like your live children.

It's not an homage; it doesn't respect the previous work as the makers have said elsewhere.

What it is is that someone had a new Red One camera (nice imaging in the film) and Fox or someone supplied some cash to get on the back of cult beloved Richard Kelly's creation Donnie (teen comedy, angst, thriller, mystery, family drama, psychological, sci-fi, and horror) combined all its subgenres perfectly, with affection, humor, and intelligence.

While the S.D. is a lesson in bad writing, bad direction, and bad producing; although they successfully made a film, but, however, made it incomprehensible and illogical and even nonsensical.

They clearly have not seen Donnie, or saw it and comprehended NOTHING; just looked at stills and pulled images, and then jumbled up motivations and established conventions.

You guys really didn't understand the water spirit spears, did you? Admit it, I know you didn't. Was he in alpha state wakefulness or full dream walking with eyes open? If you can't answer this question--and you can't--then you shouldn't have made this crap.

It makes no sense in any dimension, has no soul, and is only to be seen if you are a writer, director, producer or just someone wants to see how to take great images, some money, and then ENTIRELY MISS ALL THE POINTS and make something SO BAD IT HURTS.

The s. Darko group didn't get it. They didn't understand...

Seeing the TRUTH and completely understanding it, while all around you do not?

Do you understand SACRIFICE? Donnie's sacrifice?

And SAVING THE WORLD with the pain of your own love? Clearly NOT.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Human Character: 5 signs she’s into you By Cate Mitchell

You and a pretty redhead are tucked away in a corner table at that impossible-to-get-into new French bistro. And lo and behold, you notice she’s laughing at your jokes, twirling her hair, and giving other crystal-clear signs she’s into you.

Or is she?

Problem is, it can be hard to tell sometimes whether a woman is truly interested or just going through the motions. But luckily, there are plenty of ways to tell the difference. The signs below are the real deal.

1. She touches herself up

If she’s excusing herself to the restroom between courses, it’s doubtful she has a weak bladder. Nope, more likely she’s in there freshening up her makeup or making sure her hair is in place... all for you.

“If she’s into you, she’ll be concerned with how she looks,” says Alison James, author of the forthcoming Better Off Wed? “Or, if she’s at the table, she’ll be fixing her shirt or brushing her hair back, maybe checking that her bra strap isn’t showing or adjusting her necklace — the kind of stuff you do when you’re worried about your appearance.”

2. She asks about your family

“When a woman likes a guy, she doesn’t want to get to know just him,” says Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We’re Still Single. “She wants to know about his family and friends — she’s looking for clues about what life with him would be like.”

Indeed, especially if you’ve been set up or are on a blind date and know very little about each other, your relationship with your family says a lot about you — and a woman interested in you won’t hesitate to probe.

“I think family is very revealing about a person’s personality,” says Tina Andreadis, 35, of New York City. “If he’s close with his family, it shows that he’s probably a warm person who values relationships and who would want a family of his own. If I am not interested in him, I won’t even ask because I just don’t care.”

3. She’s attentive

Let’s put it this way: no matter how busy she is, she’s not whipping out her BlackBerry if she’s interested in what you have to say.

“If she’s not checking her watch, email or cell phone, it’s just one more sign that she’s paying attention to you,” says James. “When you like a guy, you’re hanging on his every word. When you don’t, you’re distracted easily.”

Same goes for any preoccupations she has with the immediate environment, whether she’s people-watching or admiring the restaurant décor or even the food.

If she’s saying things like, “This restaurant is beautiful. Hey, doesn’t that girl over there look like Marisa Tomei?” she may be enjoying herself, but not necessarily because you’re there.

4. She’s touchy-feely

If you find your date engaging in a little physical contact along with witty banter, chances are you’ve made a very good impression. From tapping your knee to emphasize a point or touching your forearm to get your attention, if a woman’s attracted to you, she won’t hesitate to reach out and let you know.

Megan, 35, from New York City, employs this trick with guys she finds attractive.

“I pretend to steady myself when I don’t need to be steadied,” she says. “When I’m climbing onto a stool, I’ll grab onto his shoulder or leg when I clearly don’t need to,” she laughs.

5. The date lasts longer than you expected

Ask any woman desperate to wind down a date, and she’ll tell you she skips dessert or declines an after-dinner stroll.

Naturally, then, if she’s having a great time and doesn’t want to see you go, she’ll gladly take the waiter’s suggestion and try the chocolate cake, or join you in the cab ride home. And if you’ve agreed to meet for coffee and after a few sips she takes you up on your offer of dinner? That’s a bright green light, my friend.

“Only if I’m into the guy will I agree to go to dinner if he suggests it on a ‘meet for coffee’ date,” says Diana, a 38-year-old from Boston. “If I’m meeting a guy and I’m not into him, I’m definitely not going to agree to get food after.”

So now that you know the signs that she’s really enjoying your time together, use them! Ask her for another date, have a goodnight hug or smooch... and things should move in a most positive direction.

Cate Mitchell is a freelance writer in New York City.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Character: Top 10 Reasons Small Businesses Fail by Jay Goltz

The New York Times, Wednesday January 5, 2011

One of the least understood aspects of entrepreneurship is why small businesses fail, and there's a simple reason for the confusion: Most of the evidence comes from the entrepreneurs themselves.

I have had a close-up view of numerous business failures -- including a few start-ups of my own. And from my observation, the reasons for failure cited by the owners are frequently off-point, which kind of makes sense when you think about it. If the owners really knew what they were doing wrong, they might have been able to fix the problem. Often, it's simply a matter of denial or of not knowing what you don't know.

In many cases, the customers -- or, I should say, ex-customers -- have a better understanding than the owners of what wasn't working. The usual suspects that the owners tend to blame are the bank, the government, or the idiot partner. Rarely does the owner's finger point at the owner.

Of course, there are cases where something out of the owner's control has gone terribly wrong, but I have found those instances to be in the minority.

What follows -- based on my own experiences and observations -- are my top 10 reasons small businesses fail. The list is not pretty, it is not simple, and it does not contain any of those usual suspects (although they might come in at Nos. 11, 12 and 13).

1. The math just doesn't work. There is not enough demand for the product or service at a price that will produce a profit for the company. This, for example, would include a start-up trying to compete against Best Buy and its economies of scale.

2. Owners who cannot get out of their own way. [This is personal attitude.] They may be stubborn, risk adverse, conflict adverse -- meaning they need to be liked by everyone (even employees and vendors who can't do their jobs). They may be perfectionist, greedy, self-righteous, paranoid, indignant, or insecure. You get the idea. Sometimes, you can even tell these owners the problem, and they will recognize that you are right -- but continue to make the same mistakes over and over.

3. Out-of-control growth. This one might be the saddest of all reasons for failure -- a successful business that is ruined by over-expansion. This would include moving into markets that are not as profitable, experiencing growing pains that damage the business, or borrowing too much money in an attempt to keep growth at a particular rate. Sometimes less is more.

4. Poor accounting. You cannot be in control of a business if you don't know what is going on. With bad numbers, or no numbers, a company is flying blind, and it happens all of the time. Why? For one thing, it is a common -- and disastrous -- misconception that an outside accounting firm hired primarily to do the taxes will keep watch over the business. In reality, that is the job of the chief financial officer, one of the many hats an entrepreneur has to wear until a real one is hired.

5. Lack of a cash cushion. If we have learned anything from this recession (I know it's "over" but my customers don't seem to have gotten the memo), it's that business is cyclical and that bad things can and will happen over time -- the loss of an important customer or critical employee, the arrival of a new competitor, the filing of a lawsuit. These things can all stress the finances of a company. If that company is already out of cash (and borrowing potential), it may not be able to recover.

6. Operational mediocrity. I have never met a business owner who described his or her operation as mediocre. But we can't all be above average. Repeat and referral business is critical for most businesses, as is some degree of marketing (depending on the business).

7. Operational inefficiencies. Paying too much for rent, labor, and materials. Now more than ever, the lean companies are at an advantage. Not having the tenacity or stomach to negotiate terms that are reflective of today's economy may leave a company uncompetitive.

8. Dysfunctional management. Lack of focus, vision, planning, standards and everything else that goes into good management. Throw fighting partners or unhappy relatives into the mix, and you have a disaster.

9. The lack of a succession plan. We're talking nepotism, power struggles, significant players being replaced by people who are in over their heads -- all reasons many family businesses do not make it to the next generation.

10. A declining market. Book stores, music stores, printing businesses and many others are dealing with changes in technology, consumer demand, and competition from huge companies with more buying power and advertising dollars.

In life, you may have forgiving friends and relatives, but entrepreneurship is rarely forgiving. Eventually, everything shows up in the soup. If people don't like the soup, employees stop working for you, and customers stop doing business with you. And that is why businesses fail.

Jay Goltz owns five small businesses in Chicago.

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