Showing posts with label Kimberly Dawn Neumann. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kimberly Dawn Neumann. Show all posts

Friday, March 23, 2012

Real Info for "More Real" Characters: What men and women notice on dates By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

What men and women notice on dates

Dating costs plenty of dough, no doubt about it. But when it comes to spending your hard-earned cash, where should you invest it in order to get the most mileage when it comes to dating? In other words, before hitting the meet-and-greet scene next weekend, what’s really going to make you more attractive to the opposite sex — and what’s a waste of your dating dollars?

Before you max out a credit card trying to win your date’s affections (or convince someone you’re hot), check out these interesting tidbits we dug up for more budget-conscious men and women. Because when it comes to putting your best flirting foot forward, it doesn’t always have to be about your shoes!

1. Men say that having gorgeous hair trumps a curvy figure. Trying to decide between a pre-date trip to the salon or Victoria’s Secret, ladies? Go for the fab hair option. According to a recent survey conducted by Pantene, 60% of men surveyed would rather date a woman with great hair than noticeable curves — and 74% of them said they notice a woman because of her hair.

In fact, a full 44% of male respondents said that hair was the first thing they notice about a woman… even before her clothes (26%), legs (25%) and makeup (4%). Most of the men who took Pantene’s poll also said they’d be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than one who was wearing a low-cut shirt.

This is great news, since monthly hair upkeep is more of a necessity than sexy lingerie if you’re a woman who’s on a budget. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear sassy underwear if you’ve got it — but when change is tight (like in this tanked economy), it’s good to know that a well-timed mane flip can still make you a main attraction.

2. Guys find pink or red lips more alluring than the sexiest pair of stilettos. Should you invest in a pair of high heels, or that new Chanel red lipstick? If you’re forced to choose just one of these items, research shows that rouged lips are a better bet. In a recent Match.com survey of over 24,000 men and women, 88% of respondents said their date’s laugh made a bigger impression on a first date; only 12% picked shoes (there goes that perfect excuse for buying a new pair of Manolo Blahniks, right?).

Add a pop of red to that smiling and laughing mouth, and your attractiveness spikes even more, according to a study from the University of Manchester published in the UK’s Daily Mail.

Researchers tracked the eye movements of 50 men and discovered that that in the 10 seconds after meeting a woman for the first time, the average guy will spend more than half of his time gazing at her mouth. If she’s applied lipstick, he’ll find it even more difficult to look away: a dash of pink can hold his attention for 6.7 seconds, while red keeps him fixated for 7.3 seconds.

According to the study, fuller pouts were the overall preference, though the appeal of thin-lipped women increased by 40% when lipstick was applied — but when the ladies went completely bare, men tired of looking at their mouths after only 2.2 seconds. So regardless of your lip type, it pays to paint your pucker on date night.

3. Women looking for real relationships are more impressed by traditional love tokens than an expensive ride. Guys like cars, sure — but are women equally impressed by them? It seems that if you’re a man who’s looking for the real thing, then you’re ultimately better off sinking your cash into thoughtful gestures (i.e., dinners, flowers, etc.) than those flashy wheels to get the girl of your dreams.

A study of over 1,000 men conducted by researchers from Rice University, the University of Texas-San Antonio (UTSA), and the University of Minnesota revealed that being in possession of a Porsche did make a man more desirable to women than owning a non-luxury car, such as a Honda Civic. However, the attraction ended there.

While women found men showing off a flashy product (like a brightly colored sports car) to be more attractive when it came to dating, that same trait didn’t make men more desirable as marriage partners or for long-term committed relationships, the study’s authors explained.

In fact, they found that women inferred from men’s flashy spending that they were only interested in having casual hook-ups with their dates. So if you’re looking for something more than a fling, don’t worry what you’re chauffeuring your cutie around in — focus on making her feel special instead.

4. Men and women agree: being physically fit makes someone more attractive and relationship-worthy to them. If you’re looking to up your sex appeal on you next date, what will serve you better: looking hot, or getting the two of you intoxicated? This may be a no-brainer, but if you’re thinking of having something more than just a fling, spend your dollars getting rid of your doughy middle and strive for six-pack abs instead.

According to the 2011 Great Male Survey by AskMen.com, 38% of men think that great abs are appreciated the most by women (and most of us gals would agree).

This gym expenditure goes for women, too: having a fit figure is definitely going to get you more long-term action than a martini ever could. In fact, 47% of men surveyed by AskMen.com said they’d dump their girlfriend for getting fat (OK, to give some men credit, 53% said they wouldn’t), and that’s some good motivation to hit the cardio circuit.

If that’s still not enough to convince you, keep in mind that working out will also increase your prowess in the bedroom. In fact, a study published in the American Journal of Cardiology indicated that treadmill exercise duration predicted sexual activity duration (specifically, a 2.3-minute increase in sexual activity duration for each minute of treadmill time).

So the next time you’re tempted by the hottie who’s running on the gym treadmill next to you, why not ask that person out?

5. Bad hygiene is a universal turn-off, regardless of what you’re wearing. While Mark Twain famously said that “clothes make the man” (or woman, as the case may be), all the designer duds in the world won’t impress your date if you haven’t had a shower first. In fact, a recent Match.com poll asked nearly 35,000 men and women to name their biggest turn-off on a date. The responses included bad breath (11%), dirty fingernails (1%), body odor (16%) or all of the above (72%). Not surprisingly, bad hygiene is a mood killer for romance.

In terms of dating economics, it doesn’t matter if you’re dressed in Prada, Armani or something from Old Navy (just make sure to wear whatever fits well and makes you feel confident).

What absolutely, unequivocally matters is that you’re clean and smell good before you arrive. Brush your teeth, wash your hands, and use deodorant; for maximum marketability, always put your money where your mouth is!

Kimberly Dawn Neumann (www.KDNeumann.com) is a popular New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Redbook, Maxim and frequently online. A certified dating/relationship coach, she’s published two books: The Real Reasons Men Commit and Sex Comes First and is the founder of www.DatingDivaDaily.com.



Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Character Traits/Actions: Expert tips for calming pre-date jitters

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

You know the drill: It’s time to head off to that coffee shop or cute little tapas place on the first of what (you hope) will be many dates with someone special. You thought you were fine, and have even been looking forward to meeting up together. But then the nerves take hold, and whoa... your heart is racing, your upper lip gets sweaty and you’re suddenly stammering.

If you can relate, help is here. We’re going to teach you how to overcome this common problem. We’ve rounded up advice from experts who teach people how to stay calm in nerve-wracking situations. Try their tips below for putting your best dating foot forward.

Tip #1: Keep a healthy perspective about what first dates are really for

“The first and most important step in overcoming the fear is to put your first date in perspective: this is not an appointment with the dentist or brain surgeon who may inflict pain on you; rather, it is a conversation with another person. The worst thing that can happen is that you won’t connect with the person sitting across from you — it’s hardly the end of the world!

"Second, think of this date as a two-way process. You are interviewing a potential partner as much as your date is interviewing you. Is there a good fit here? What looks good on the surface or on paper may not be what it appears to be for either party. Investigate whether this person is a good match for you and whether you want to invest a significant part of your life and energy in future dates.”

— Troy Saviola, recruiter for NBC Universal

Tip #2: Breathe deeply while counting silently to calm yourself down

“Here is a simple (but amazingly powerful) breathing technique you can easily do to manage stress while sitting in the car or on the train before a date. While breathing through the nose only, inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of six. It only takes about two or three minutes to experience a noticeable, full-body calming effect.

"The reason?

"Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system to counteract the ‘[freeze,] fight-or-flight’ response[s] underl[y] your jitters and results in shallower breathing. And if, during the date, you feel yourself getting nervous again, ask an open-ended question, like: ‘So, what’s working at a college really like?’ and then put a soft smile on your face while you breathe the shakes away!”

— Jonathan Fields, founder of Sonic Yoga

Tip #3: Concentrate on the present moment instead of worrying about the future

“Dating is like auditioning — the stakes are high, so nerves will undoubtedly come into play. I would tell daters the same thing I tell my actors: When you get nervous, put your concentration into the present moment instead of the outcome. Every time you start to think about the future — 'Will this person ask me out on a second date?' — force yourself to focus on the conversation at hand.

"You stand a better chance of booking another date if you can let someone see the type of person you really are, and that you’d be easy to get along with. You can’t do that if you’re draining your own energy trying to figure out what your date wants and what the result might be.”

— Andy Gale, Broadway acting coach

Tip #4: Release pre-date tension by working up a sweat in the gym

“Work out first! You’ll have a positive feeling from all the endorphins, you’ll feel more confident about your appearance, and you’ll have released the tension from your muscles. Or, instead of going right to the date from your office or home, socialize a bit first — either by meeting a friend somewhere or otherwise putting yourself in a situation where you’re turning on your most positive personality for others.

"Doing this will make you walk into the date already feeling engaged and ‘up.’ Just do not talk about the upcoming date while you’re socializing, because that will put your mind back on the subject... and could make you nervous all over again.”

— Ron Geraci, New York City-based online dating coach

Tip #5: Put any negative thoughts in writing, then put a positive spin on them before leaving for your date

“Divide a sheet of paper in half. On the left side of the page, write down how your critical inner voices or negative thoughts are undermining your self-confidence. Write them down as though you are talking to yourself; for example, ‘Don’t get too excited about this date. He/she is not going to find you attractive enough.’

"Next, on the right-hand side of the page, write down a more realistic or congenial statement about yourself. Like, ‘I may not be a supermodel, but I have good features and a sense of humor.’ Decide which of these more positive, realistic statements you will act on before your date begins. They reflect the real you.”

— Robert Firestone, Ph.D., co-author of The Ethics of Interpersonal Relationships

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a writer in New York City who calms her first-date jitters by dancing around her apartment to passionate Latin music in heels.



Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

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I recall a suggesting, which I believe came from an Ask Jake section of Glamour Magazine. Masturbate BEFORE your date, to chill and take the edge off, and release these pent up energies and mellow out with the after satisfaction hormones. _Neale Sourna