Character stuff: The 21-Minute Secret to a Happier Marriage By Elise Solé, Shine

The 21-Minute Secret to a Happier Marriage

By Elise Solé, Shine Staff | Love + Sex

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In the time it takes to shower, get a manicure, or run to the post office, you could have a happier marriage. According to the results of an upcoming study in the journal Psychological Science, just three seven-minute writing exercises over a one-year period could drastically improve your bond.

More on Yahoo! Shine: Is Distance the Key to a Happy Marriage?

The two-year study included 120 married couples, ranging from 20-somethings to 70-somethings who had on average been married for 11 years. During  the first year, the couples were asked to sit down every four months and write about their biggest recent conflict such as tiffs about cleaning or sex-related gripes.

For the second year, the researchers switched things up: They had one group of couples continue recording their conflicts and a second group write them from the perspective of a third party who wanted the best for them, such as a mutual friend. That way, the couples couldn't write things like, "It made me so angry when he was late" but rather "Chris was two hours late coming home."

The results were surprising: Although the second group's arguments were just as frequent and severe as the first group's, the couples who wrote from a neutral perspective felt less angry toward their partners, experienced more sexual attraction for each other, and their happiness levels stabilized rather than declined.

More on Yahoo! 10 Money Mistakes That Can Ruin a Marriage

"Previous research shows that relationship satisfaction decreases over the course of a marriage but these writing exercises act as a buffer for unhappiness," says Eli Finkel, Ph.D., lead author of the study and professor of psychology at Northwestern University. "The trick is to get outside your own head. By processing conflict from a neutral perspective, you better understand where your partner is coming from and are able to let go of grudges." 

Easy, right? Try these other tricks for a happier relationship in 21 minutes or less.

Exercise together: Going for a quick run or walk around the block with your partner will do more than keep you shape; it'll make you feel happier and sexier. Exercise releases feel-good neurotransmitters called endorphins and breaking a sweat increases blood flow straight to your nether regions.

Conjure up a romantic memory: Research published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that extraverts owe their happy outlook to their habit of getting nostalgic. So daydream about the first time you met or your wedding day. Bonus points for swapping memories.

Exchange back rubs: No surprise that massage feels luxurious but it can also enhance romantic feelings. That's because physical contact stimulates the production of the happy hormone oxytocin. Ahhh….

More on Yahoo! Shine: 

5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage: Revealed by Divorce
How to Have a Happy Marriage
The 10 Habits That Keep Marriages Strong

Both genders stare equally hard at women’s body parts: study By Eric Pfeiffer, Yahoo! News | The Sideshow

It's not just men who are looking at Naomi Campbell's figure. (AFP)

A new scientific study has confirmed a generally assumed truth: Women are objectified far more than men. But in a surprising development, the study also found that men and women are both equally guilty of looking at women as a "collection of parts."

"We can't just pin this on the men. Women are perceiving women this way, too," Sarah Gervais, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and the study's lead author, told Science Daily.

"It could be related to different motives. Men might be doing it because they're interested in potential mates, while women may do it as more of a comparison with themselves. But what we do know is that they're both doing it."

The study results were published in the European Journal of Social Psychology and examined the different ways people process images of men and women.

According to the study, men tend to be processed on a "global" level, in which their entire physical being is viewed as a whole. Women tend to be viewed much differently, by what the study calls "local" cognitive processing, in which women are measured as a collection of various body parts.

"Local processing underlies the way we think about objects: houses, cars and so on. But global processing should prevent us from that when it comes to people," Gervais told Science Daily.

"We don't break people down to their parts--except when it comes to women, which is really striking. Women were perceived in the same ways that objects are viewed."

But there is some form of equality at work.

Not only are men and women equally responsible for viewing women on this local level, but they are also objectifying all women, not just pretty, or big-busted or long-legged women.

Or as MTV News put it: "Essentially, when looking at a female, we all go into Terminator vision mode, honing in on specific parts of her body and assessing them."

Why women really are better at almost everything: Q&A with author Dan Abrams

by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, on Tue Mar 1, 2011

Contrary to jokes and one-liners, women are better drivers than men. They’re also better at getting the joke. And better with hammers. And video games. And social networking. And did we mention, they get dressed faster than guys? This isn’t opinion, it’s fact, and Dan Abrams can prove it.

In his new book, Man Down: Proof Beyond a Reasonable Doubt That Women Are Better Cops, Drivers, Gamblers, Spies, World Leaders, Beer Tasters, Hedge Fund Managers, and Just About Everything Else, Abrams collects research from leading studies over the past few years to make the case for the ‘fairer’ sex.

A legal analyst for ABC News and former lawyer, he approached the topic as a defense attorney, using evidence that already exists to debunk popular myths about women.

“In nearly every field, statistics and studies show that women are better collaborators, are more cautious and more adept at navigating treacherous terrain,” writes Abrams in his book’s opening statement.

“I am not convinced that women as a group play basketball or read maps better than men. The evidence here will show, however, that women are living longer and evolving better than men.”

It takes a lot for a man to admit his own weaknesses (there’s a chapter on how women tolerate pain better), so we wondered why Abrams would make the case for women. Turns out, it’s a man’s job.


Shine: How did you decide to do this book?
Dan Abrams: I was hired to write a light article for a magazine about certain areas that women are better in than men. Some of the evidence surprised me, so I went and looked into the underlying research. Most of it was true, some was exaggerated, some anecdotal. But I kept finding more and more real studies and the evidence is compelling when you look at it all together. I couldn’t believe there’s been no major book about it.

Shine: Why now?
D.A.: There’s a lot more evidence now. A lot of the studies from the book are from the last three years. It’s only been in the last twenty or so years, that women have been on a relatively even playing field in terms of work to do many of these studies. We weren’t able to make fair comparisons before, because women were a fraction of the working world. Now we’re see women taking over the majority in many professions. But only recently has there been enough time to look back to compare men versus women and only recently has there been real interest.

Shine: Which gender is leading these studies?
D.A.: Of the studies I looked at, a vast majority of lead researchers are men, but the broad trend trackers are women.

Shine: What finding surprised you the most?
D.A.: I was most surprised at how conclusive the evidence was for the fact that women tolerate pain better. They endure more pain throughout their lives, in more bodily areas and with greater frequency, according to researchers at the University of Bath. According to the medical journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, women have an average of 34 more nerve fibers per square centimeter of facial skin, while men have an average of 17. New research is suggesting the fact that women tend to endure pain more makes them more immune to it. It’s the old aphorism, “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”

Shine: Are women really better at tasting beer?
D.A.: The evidence is clear that women have a better sense of smell. In one study, researchers questioned whether men or women be better able to smell sweat behind fragrances, and women were fooled far less. But also they have a better sense of taste, and can apply it to just about anything. Taste is based on smell, as well as the number of taste buds a person has, and women are more likely to have a greater number of more-sensitive taste buds. And it’s not just beer that they’re better at tasting, but wine as well.

Shine: What about sports—men are better at sports, right?
D.A.: There’s no question that men have larger muscles, so they tend to be better at most sports. But there are certain areas—particularly endurance sports—where women are better. Studies show that estrogen is a disadvantage for muscle development but an advantage when it comes to endurance. Another advantage for women is that their bodies more efficiently process oxygen.

When it comes to ultra-marathons—say, a 135 mile race without sleep—women can beat men. It’s reflective of something we see throughout the book— when it comes to race of life, women won’t sprint but they'll run longer. In baseball terms, men may hit the home run but women hit the singles and doubles more often and end up with a better average. This is true in financial fields as well: women are better long-term investors.

Shine: It makes sense that women are hard-wired for endurance, considering another chapter in the book entitled, “Women Live Longer.”
D.A.: Women live an average of five years longer than men. The reasons for this are both genetic and behavior-based. First of all, women have stronger immune systems, again due to estrogen which aids the fight against disease-inducing enzymes. But women are also less likely to engage in risky behavior.

For example, I found that women are hit by lightning less often than men. That’s because the guy may not get off the roof when there’s a thunderstorm coming.

Shine: Does the same theory apply to women being safer drivers?
D.A.: Men are more likely to engage in reckless behavior, like driving drunk. One study found male drivers have 77 percent higher risk of dying in a car accident than women. It’s translated to insurance rates, women have 7 percent lower rates on the whole because they’re less careless drivers.

In Australia, they actually petitioned to have more women bus drivers, because they found they’re more likely to treat buses better and have fewer accidents.

Shine: Bus drivers aren’t the only jobs women excel at, according to your research. What other jobs are women better at than men?
D.A.: Women were found to be less corruptible as cops. In both Lima, Peru and Volgograd, Russia where police corruption was a major issue, the governments campaigned to hire more women cops. There’s another study that women are more effective as political leaders than men.

It suggests, we’d be a better country if there were more women in the highest echelons of politics.

Shine: In the field of medicine, the findings are also in favor of women.
D.A.: One of the most definitive studies in the book was done in 2009 by the British government. They collected a database of information on all the investigations of medical misconduct or incompetence over a period of eight years. It was the largest study of medical performance ever.

They found that while forty percent of doctors were women, 80 percent of those under investigation were men.

In the U.S., there were similar findings. Male physicians were twice as likely to be sued as women.

Shine: With all this counter-evidence, why are women still subjected to the same old stereotypes?
D.A.: Women weren’t allowed to vote in this country 100 years ago. We’re still in the period of catch up. We still haven’t had a female president, or that many women running Fortune 500 companies. When we get to point of seeing just as many women in the top levels of every profession, that's when we'll see a sea change at lower levels.

Shine: How is the internet giving women more of an advantage?
D.A.: One of the clichés about women is that they’re more communicative—those who want to demean women say they like to gossip more. That’s a pejorative way of commenting on the fact that women are more involved in social media.

A 2010 study found women were six percent more exposed to social networking sites and spent more time on them. Other research found women were less likely to be victims of internet fraud.

Shine: Are you worried about backlash from men?
D.A.: I already had one men’s rights group send a petition to get me fired from my job. They wrote, “Dan Abrams is penning a sexist book claiming male inferiority.” But this book is not about my musings or opinions. This is me approaching the topic like a lawyer. Is there some hyperbole in the headline? Sure, but the reality is the trends here are significant and important.

The goal of this book is not be viewed as a feminist book but an objective book. Someone with no bias is examining the evidence and coming forth to say it’s compelling. I’ll get mocked by many men, but a woman who made the same findings would be discounted for writing this book because of her bias.

Shine: You've provided a lot of evidence that women are better at some of life's most important tasks. What are men better at?
D.A.: Men are better at parking, they’re better dieters, they have better distance vision, they read maps better. One study suggests they even treat their friends better.

But my next book won’t be about making the case for men. Overall I found that men’s biggest problem is that they’re too confident and women’s biggest problem is that they’re not confident enough. Truth is, I think the evidence is overwhelming in favor of women.

Character Study: Personality Set for Life By 1st Grade

LiveScience Staff

LiveScience.com – Fri Aug 6, 5:25 pm ET

Our personalities stay pretty much the same throughout our lives, from our early childhood years to after we're over the hill, according to a new study.

The results show personality traits observed in children as young as first graders are a strong predictor of adult behavior.

"We remain recognizably the same person," said study author Christopher Nave, a doctoral candidate at the University of California, Riverside. "This speaks to the importance of understanding personality because it does follow us wherever we go across time and contexts."

The study will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Tracking personalities

Using data from a 1960s study of approximately 2,400 ethnically diverse schoolchildren (grades 1 - 6) in Hawaii, researchers compared teacher personality ratings of the students with videotaped interviews of 144 of those individuals 40 years later.

They examined four personality attributes - talkativeness (called verbal fluency), adaptability (cope well with new situations), impulsiveness and self-minimizing behavior (essentially being humble to the point of minimizing one's importance).

Among the findings:

Talkative youngsters tended to show interest in intellectual matters, speak fluently, try to control situations, and exhibit a high degree of intelligence as adults. Children who rated low in verbal fluency were observed as adults to seek advice, give up when faced with obstacles, and exhibit an awkward interpersonal style.

Children rated as highly adaptable tended, as middle-age adults, to behave cheerfully, speak fluently and show interest in intellectual matters. Those who rated low in adaptability as children were observed as adults to say negative things about themselves, seek advice and exhibit an awkward interpersonal style.

Students rated as impulsive were inclined to speak loudly, display a wide range of interests and be talkative as adults. Less impulsive kids tended to be fearful or timid, kept others at a distance and expressed insecurity as adults.

Children characterized as self-minimizing were likely to express guilt, seek reassurance, say negative things about themselves and express insecurity as adults. Those who were ranked low on a self-minimizing scale tended to speak loudly, show interest in intellectual matters and exhibit condescending behavior as adults.

Changing personality

Previous research has suggested that while our personalities can change, it's not an easy undertaking.

Personality is "a part of us, a part of our biology," Nave said. "Life events still influence our behaviors, yet we must acknowledge the power of personality in understanding future behavior as well."

Future research will "help us understand how personality is related to behavior as well as examine the extent to which we may be able to change our personality," Nave said.

• Top 10 Controversial Psychiatric Disorders
• 10 Things You Didn't Know About the Brain
• Personality Predicted by Size of Different Brain Regions

• Original Story: Personality Set for Life By 1st Grade, Study Suggests

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Study: Men Men Go for Good Looks

Well, here's something old and yet new in which to reconsider and think and feel through as you form characters whose stories you tell.
--Neale
==================

Study: Men Men Go for Good Looks

By RANDOLPH E. SCHMID

The Associated Press

September 03, 2007

Science is confirming what most women know: When given the choice for a mate, men go for good looks.

And guys won't be surprised to learn that women are much choosier about partners than they are.

'Just because people say they're looking for a particular set of characteristics in a mate, someone like themselves, doesn't mean that is what they'll end up choosing,' Peter M. Todd, of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, said in a telephone interview.

Researchers led by Todd report in Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that their study found humans were similar to most other mammals, 'following Darwin's principle of choosy females and competitive males, even if humans say something different.'

Their study involved 26 men and 20 women in Munich, Germany.

Participants ranged in age from 26 to their early 40s and took part in 'speed dating,' short meetings of three to seven minutes in which people chat, then move on to meet another dater. Afterward, participants check off the people they'd like to meet again, and dates can be arranged between pairs who select one another.

Speed dating let researchers look at a lot of mate choices in a short time, Todd said.

In the study, participants were asked before the session to fill out a questionnaire about what they were looking for in a mate, listing such categories as wealth and status, family commitment, physical appearance, healthiness and attractiveness.

After the session, the researchers compared what the participants said they were looking for with the people they actually chose to ask for another date.

Men's choices did not reflect their stated preferences, the researchers concluded. Instead, men appeared to base their decisions mostly on the women's physical attractiveness.

The men also appeared to be much less choosy. Men tended to select nearly every woman above a certain minimum attractiveness threshold, Todd said.

Women's actual choices, like men's, did not reflect their stated preferences, but they made more discriminating choices, the researchers found.

The scientists said women were aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men, and adjusted their expectations to select the more desirable guys.

'Women made offers to men who had overall qualities that were on a par with the women's self-rated attractiveness. They didn't greatly overshoot their attractiveness,' Todd said, 'because part of the goal for women is to choose men who would stay with them'

But, he added, 'they didn't go lower. They knew what they could get and aimed for that level.'

So, it turns out, the women's attractiveness influenced the choices of the men and the women.

___

On the Net:

PNAS: http://www.pnas.org

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.