Saturday, March 05, 2011

Why women really are better at almost everything: Q&A with author Dan Abrams

by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, on Tue Mar 1, 2011

Contrary to jokes and one-liners, women are better drivers than men. They’re also better at getting the joke. And better with hammers. And video games. And social networking. And did we mention, they get dressed faster than guys? This isn’t opinion, it’s fact, and Dan Abrams can prove it.

In his new book,
Man Down: Proof Beyond a Reasonable Doubt That Women Are Better Cops, Drivers, Gamblers, Spies, World Leaders, Beer Tasters, Hedge Fund Managers, and Just About Everything Else, Abrams collects research from leading studies over the past few years to make the case for the ‘fairer’ sex.

A legal analyst for ABC News and former lawyer, he approached the topic as a defense attorney, using evidence that already exists to debunk popular myths about women.

“In nearly every field, statistics and studies show that women are better collaborators, are more cautious and more adept at navigating treacherous terrain,” writes Abrams in his book’s opening statement.

“I am not convinced that women as a group play basketball or read maps better than men. The evidence here will show, however, that women are living longer and evolving better than men.”

It takes a lot for a man to admit his own weaknesses (there’s a chapter on how women tolerate pain better), so we wondered why Abrams would make the case for women. Turns out, it’s a man’s job.


Shine: How did you decide to do this book?

Dan Abrams
: I was hired to write a light article for a magazine about certain areas that women are better in than men. Some of the evidence surprised me, so I went and looked into the underlying research. Most of it was true, some was exaggerated, some anecdotal. But I kept finding more and more real studies and the evidence is compelling when you look at it all together. I couldn’t believe there’s been no major book about it.

Shine: Why now?

D.A
.: There’s a lot more evidence now. A lot of the studies from the book are from the last three years. It’s only been in the last twenty or so years, that women have been on a relatively even playing field in terms of work to do many of these studies. We weren’t able to make fair comparisons before, because women were a fraction of the working world. Now we’re see women taking over the majority in many professions. But only recently has there been enough time to look back to compare men versus women and only recently has there been real interest.

Shine: Which gender is leading these studies?

D.A.: Of the studies I looked at, a vast majority of lead researchers are men, but the broad trend trackers are women.


Shine: What finding surprised you the most?

D.A.: I was most surprised at how conclusive the evidence was for the fact that women tolerate pain better. They endure more pain throughout their lives, in more bodily areas and with greater frequency, according to researchers at the University of Bath. According to the medical journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, women have an average of 34 more nerve fibers per square centimeter of facial skin, while men have an average of 17. New research is suggesting the fact that women tend to endure pain more makes them more immune to it. It’s the old aphorism, “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”

Shine: Are women really better at tasting beer?

D.A.: The evidence is clear that women have a better sense of smell. In one study, researchers questioned whether men or women be better able to smell sweat behind fragrances, and women were fooled far less. But also they have a better sense of taste, and can apply it to just about anything.
Taste is based on smell, as well as the number of taste buds a person has, and women are more likely to have a greater number of more-sensitive taste buds. And it’s not just beer that they’re better at tasting, but wine as well.

Shine: What about sports—men are better at sports, right?

D.A.: There’s no question that men have larger muscles, so they tend to be better at most sports. But there are certain areas—particularly endurance sports—where women are better. Studies show that estrogen is a disadvantage for muscle development but an advantage when it comes to endurance. Another advantage for women is that their bodies more efficiently process oxygen.

When it comes to ultra-marathons
say, a 135 mile race without sleepwomen can beat men. It’s reflective of something we see throughout the book— when it comes to race of life, women won’t sprint but they'll run longer. In baseball terms, men may hit the home run but women hit the singles and doubles more often and end up with a better average. This is true in financial fields as well: women are better long-term investors.

Shine: It makes sense that women are hard-wired for endurance, considering another chapter in the book entitled, “Women Live Longer.”

D.A.: Women live an average of five years
longer than men. The reasons for this are both genetic and behavior-based. First of all, women have stronger immune systems, again due to estrogen which aids the fight against disease-inducing enzymes. But women are also less likely to engage in risky behavior.

For example, I found that women are hit by lightning less often than men. That’s because the guy may not get off the roof when there’s a thunderstorm coming.

Shine: Does the same theory apply to women being safer drivers?

D.A.: Men are more likely to engage in reckless behavior, like driving drunk. One study found male drivers have 77 percent higher risk of dying in a car accident than women. It’s translated to insurance rates, women have 7 percent lower rates on the whole because they’re less careless drivers.

In Australia, they actually petitioned to have more women bus drivers, because they found they’re more likely to treat buses better and have fewer accidents.


Shine: Bus drivers aren’t the only jobs women excel at, according to your research. What other jobs are women better at than men?

D.A.: Women were found to be less corruptible as cops. In both Lima, Peru and Volgograd, Russia where police corruption was a major issue, the governments campaigned to hire more women cops. There’s another study that women are more effective as political leaders than men.

It suggests, we’d be a better country if there were more women in the highest echelons of politics.

Shine: In the field of medicine, the findings are also in favor of women.

D.A.: One of the most definitive studies in the book was done in 2009 by the British government. They collected a database of information on all the investigations of medical misconduct or incompetence over a period of eight years. It was the largest study of medical performance ever.

They found that while forty percent of doctors were women, 80 percent of those under investigation were men.

In the U.S., there were similar findings. Male physicians were twice as likely to be sued as women.

Shine: With all this counter-evidence, why are women still subjected to the same old stereotypes?

D.A.: Women weren’t allowed to vote in this country 100 years ago. We’re still in the period of catch up. We still haven’t had a female president, or that many women running Fortune 500 companies. When we get to point of seeing just as many women in the top levels of every profession, that's when we'll see a sea change at lower levels.

Shine: How is the internet giving women more of an advantage?

D.A.: One of the clichés about women is that they’re more communicative—those who want to demean women say they like to gossip more. That’s a pejorative way of commenting on the fact that women are more involved in social media.

A 2010 study found women were six percent more exposed to social networking sites and spent more time on them. Other research found women were less likely to be victims of internet fraud.

Shine: Are you worried about backlash from men?

D.A.: I already had one men’s rights group send a petition to get me fired from my job. They wrote, “Dan Abrams is penning a sexist book claiming male inferiority.” But this book is not about my musings or opinions. This is me approaching the topic like a lawyer. Is there some hyperbole in the headline? Sure, but the reality is the trends here are significant and important.

The goal of this book is not be viewed as a feminist book but an objective book. Someone with no bias is examining the evidence and coming forth to say it’s compelling. I’ll get mocked by many men, but a woman who made the same findings would be discounted for writing this book because of her bias.

Shine: You've provided a lot of evidence that women are better at some of life's most important tasks. What are men better at?

D.A.: Men are better at parking, they’re better dieters, they have better distance vision, they read maps better. One study suggests they even treat their friends better.

But my next book won’t be about making the case for men. Overall I found that men’s biggest problem is that they’re too confident and women’s biggest problem is that they’re not confident enough. Truth is, I think the evidence is overwhelming in favor of women.

Character Dialog, Internet Suggestion: 21 phrases to use to help you FIGHT RIGHT with your sweetheart

by Gretchen Rubin, on Thu Feb 17, 2011

Almost all couples fight; the secret is to fight right.

I’ve posted before about what NOT to say during a fight. Here are some phrases that will actually help.

When the Big Man and I are arguing, I find that the single best technique to apply is HUMOR. If one of us can laugh and joke around, the crabby mood lifts instantly. But during an argument, it can be hard to see the funny side of things.

Failing that, here are twenty-one phrases that help turn down the heat of anger:

Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted, I’m sorry.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated.
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.

I actually get tears in my eyes when I read this list. Such is the uplifting power of fighting right.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and each weekday morning, you'll get a happiness quotation in your email in-box. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1").

One Sided STD/Cancer Protection FINALLY Drops the Other Shoe: Half of men (boys, too) may have HPV infections: study

CHICAGO (Reuters) – Half of men in the general population may be infected with human papillomavirus or HPV, the human wart virus that causes cervical and other cancers, strengthening the case for vaccinating boys against HPV, U.S. researchers said on Monday.

U.S. vaccine advisers have been weighing whether boys and young men should be vaccinated against the human papillomavirus, as they already recommend for girls and young women, but some worry the vaccine is too costly to justify its use.

HPV infection is best known as the primary cause of cervical cancer, the second most common cancer in women worldwide. But various strains of HPV also cause anal, penile, head and neck cancers. Vaccinating men and boys would prevent some of these cancers.

Anna Giuliano of the H Lee Moffitt Cancer Center and Research Institute in Tampa, Florida, and colleagues studied infection rates among more than 1,100 men aged 18 to 70 in the United States, Brazil and Mexico to get a snapshot of the natural progression of HPV infection in men.

"We found that there is a high proportion of men who have genital HPV infections. At enrollment, it was 50 percent," said Giuliano, whose study appears online in the journal Lancet.

The team also found that the rate at which men acquire new HPV infections is very similar to women.

And they found that about 6 percent of men per year will get a new HPV 16 infection, the strain that is known for causing cervical cancer in women and other cancers in men.

Vaccines made by Merck & Co and GlaxoSmithKline both offer protection against this strain of HPV.

"The biology seems to be very similar (to women)," Giuliano said in a telephone interview.

"What is different is men seem to have high prevalence of genital HPV infections throughout their lifespans."

She said it appears that women are better able to clear an HPV infection, especially as they age, but men do not appear to have this same ability.

Vaccine experts said the study builds momentum for widespread HPV vaccination among boys. [not just hysterical vaccinations and advertisements for girls]

Currently, U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends Gardasil vaccinations for girls and women between the ages of 11 and 26. Gardasil had sales of more than $1 billion last year.

And while doctors are free to use the vaccine in boys and men ages 9 through 26, U.S. health officials so far have declined to recommend routine vaccination for males. [they never do, they even pull all commercials about anything faulty in the male between belt and knees, if it isn't about getting and retaining a hard on and "more satisfaction"--not for jock itch, male smell, urinating frequently and need to wear diapers, etc]

"This study highlights the high incidence of HPV infection in men, which emphasizes their role in transmission of HPV to women," [EXACTLY! But the commercial advertisements NEVER mention this.] Dr. Anne Szarewski of the Wolfson Institute of Preventive Medicine in London said in a statement.

"It must surely strengthen the argument for vaccination of men, both for their own protection, and that of their partners."

In December, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved Merck's Gardasil HPV vaccine for prevention of anal cancers in both men and women, based on studies showing Gardasil was effective in men who have sex with men, a group that has a higher incidence of anal cancer.

Anal cancer is one of the less common types of cancer, with an estimated 5,300 new U.S. cases diagnosed each year, but the incidence is increasing.

(Editing by Cynthia Osterman)

Thursday, March 03, 2011

The most typical face on the planet By Liz Goodwin

National Geographic Magazine released a video clip, below, showing the most "typical" human face on the planet as part of its series on the human race called "Population 7 billion."

The researchers conclude that a male, 28-year-old Han Chinese man is the most typical person on the planet. There are 9 million of them.

The image above is a composite of nearly 200,000 photos of men who fit that description.

Don't get used to the results, however. Within 20 years, the most typical person will reside in India.

You can check out the video below:

(Screenshot from National Geographic)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Human Character: 5 signs she’s into you By Cate Mitchell

You and a pretty redhead are tucked away in a corner table at that impossible-to-get-into new French bistro. And lo and behold, you notice she’s laughing at your jokes, twirling her hair, and giving other crystal-clear signs she’s into you.

Or is she?

Problem is, it can be hard to tell sometimes whether a woman is truly interested or just going through the motions. But luckily, there are plenty of ways to tell the difference. The signs below are the real deal.

1. She touches herself up

If she’s excusing herself to the restroom between courses, it’s doubtful she has a weak bladder. Nope, more likely she’s in there freshening up her makeup or making sure her hair is in place... all for you.

“If she’s into you, she’ll be concerned with how she looks,” says Alison James, author of the forthcoming Better Off Wed? “Or, if she’s at the table, she’ll be fixing her shirt or brushing her hair back, maybe checking that her bra strap isn’t showing or adjusting her necklace — the kind of stuff you do when you’re worried about your appearance.”

2. She asks about your family


“When a woman likes a guy, she doesn’t want to get to know just him,” says Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We’re Still Single. “She wants to know about his family and friends — she’s looking for clues about what life with him would be like.”

Indeed, especially if you’ve been set up or are on a blind date and know very little about each other, your relationship with your family says a lot about you — and a woman interested in you won’t hesitate to probe.

“I think family is very revealing about a person’s personality,” says Tina Andreadis, 35, of New York City. “If he’s close with his family, it shows that he’s probably a warm person who values relationships and who would want a family of his own. If I am not interested in him, I won’t even ask because I just don’t care.”

3. She’s attentive

Let’s put it this way: no matter how busy she is, she’s not whipping out her BlackBerry if she’s interested in what you have to say.

“If she’s not checking her watch, email or cell phone, it’s just one more sign that she’s paying attention to you,” says James. “When you like a guy, you’re hanging on his every word. When you don’t, you’re distracted easily.”

Same goes for any preoccupations she has with the immediate environment, whether she’s people-watching or admiring the restaurant décor or even the food.

If she’s saying things like, “This restaurant is beautiful. Hey, doesn’t that girl over there look like Marisa Tomei?” she may be enjoying herself, but not necessarily because you’re there.

4. She’s touchy-feely

If you find your date engaging in a little physical contact along with witty banter, chances are you’ve made a very good impression. From tapping your knee to emphasize a point or touching your forearm to get your attention, if a woman’s attracted to you, she won’t hesitate to reach out and let you know.

Megan, 35, from New York City, employs this trick with guys she finds attractive.

“I pretend to steady myself when I don’t need to be steadied,” she says. “When I’m climbing onto a stool, I’ll grab onto his shoulder or leg when I clearly don’t need to,” she laughs.

5. The date lasts longer than you expected

Ask any woman desperate to wind down a date, and she’ll tell you she skips dessert or declines an after-dinner stroll.

Naturally, then, if she’s having a great time and doesn’t want to see you go, she’ll gladly take the waiter’s suggestion and try the chocolate cake, or join you in the cab ride home. And if you’ve agreed to meet for coffee and after a few sips she takes you up on your offer of dinner? That’s a bright green light, my friend.

“Only if I’m into the guy will I agree to go to dinner if he suggests it on a ‘meet for coffee’ date,” says Diana, a 38-year-old from Boston. “If I’m meeting a guy and I’m not into him, I’m definitely not going to agree to get food after.”

So now that you know the signs that she’s really enjoying your time together, use them! Ask her for another date, have a goodnight hug or smooch... and things should move in a most positive direction.

Cate Mitchell is a freelance writer in New York City.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Bidding by game word rate?

Answer to a LinkedIn independent writer's question.
--------------------------------------------------------
Because like you said, in game narratives, you spend a great deal of time, brain, and emotional energy choosing the right single word or trimming phrases to keep the word count down; but still retain a coherent story with emotional and psychological depth, for more than one layer of comprehension for your readers.

You are charging for that, as well, your expertise in storywriting, not just word count.

I stress this in my bids and proposals, and sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, just like with any bidding process.

But I've also been given praise for improving a game script by changing only a few words.

And there are too many stories of all kinds I've read with glaring holes and gaffs because materials aren't edited in NYC or anywhere else like they used to be "in the good ole days."

Your expertise includes not just twenty words here and forty there but intelligence and polish that will close those holes and eliminate gaffs like a baby's eyes and hair changing color or an adult heroine's height changing within about five pages. [Yes, these are real published, glaring mistakes editors and publishers have published.]

As a professional storywriter, you're holding continuity in your brain and making certain it's on the page. I can't tell you how many times I've check a thing in a story here or there, to be certain logic, continuity, reason, and emotion, and just common sense are lined up properly.

Check at Guru.com and Elance.com through past bids of the type you're doing, see who won and do the math, to see if you're in the ball park. Don't underbid unless you have to; an unhappy writer, who's doing a lot a work for a little pay, makes unhappy copy; and no repeat client.

Oh, and if you feel you're charging a little higher, say so and say what they get for that: expertise, continuity, and x amount of rewrites or tweaks. I usually keep the rewrites within the job but say I'll do a tweak, after completion, if needed. Since, those stray words and misspellings do trip us up.

This is just great customer service without getting into the groveling, I'll do anything for cheap cents. Because, if they're that cheap or poor, the client should write it themselves, that's how I learned to write, or hire their kid or their kid's friends.

Helpful?

Saturday, February 05, 2011

"Inappropriateness," Amazon Kindle, www.Elance.com and (Multiracial, Gay) Sex

Someone said at my facebook members only site that they "didn't have a problem with it but" thought it was somewhat "inappropriate."
-----
My statement:

Odd that Kindle has rejected a cover and book content of my new novella. they imply that it is inappropriate and maybe unredeeming hardcore porn.

It's redeemable and highly great hardcore porn/romantic erotica.

And the cover is almost EXACTLY the same_with less nudity and a condom_of the previous title in the series.

Do ...you think it's because this one's not about heterosexual incest but is about a gay threeway?

-----
My facebook group answer:

No problem. If anyone has, had a problem with my post above_just think of it as equal time for all the snapshots and "inappropriately" tagged that get posted and don't really connect with us either.

But it does reflect about the strange oddities and vagaries of "inappropriateness" of creation, whether digital art, film or publishing, that we'll be sometimes ignored, sometimes "c" blocked, sometimes censured, and sometimes greatly loved.

And there really isn't any specific logic given nor explanation, only that it is "too different," "makes us squirm," or "seems" rather inappropriate, to them, at present,etc.

=====
It seems silly since you can go to Amazon and Kindle and get hardcore porn from Adam and Eve, Playboy, etcetera. Plus they publish my stuff there and at Borders, etc through my partnership with Ingram/Lightning Source.

But, really this cover and the previous one are nearly identical. This one is "cleaner" I go rid of the lace panties girl with the condom in her hand. http://north.neale-sourna.com/

And that previous title cover is a compilation of a teen seducing her dad and learning all about sex and her horny friends seducing their friends MILF moms etc; but, have a 2 teens of age with a teach/prof, all willing go gay threeway...?

They've usually sell the titles and just block the covers of school-relatedness. And I don't really care. I just find it interesting. You just never know who at their site will glance at your stuff and go gaga.

We erotic freelancers at www.Elance.com have the same problem with them. Someone posts anything that mentions sex, erotic, etc. and it gets blocked with a vengeance. But, post a job requesting writing bids about a serial killer and how to murder or rape people violently and they never block that.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised - Gil Scott-Heron



For more info

Gil Scott-Heron, a godfather of rap, dies in NYC

NEW YORK (AP) — Long before Public Enemy urged the need to "Fight the Power" or N.W.A. offered a crude rebuke of the police, Gil-Scott Heron was articulating the rage and the disillusionment of the black masses through song and spoken word.

Scott-Heron, widely considered one of the godfathers of rap with his piercing social and political prose laid against the backdrop of minimalist percussion, flute and other instrumentation, died on Friday at age 62. His was a life full of groundbreaking, revolutionary music and personal turmoil that included a battle with crack cocaine and stints behind bars in his later years.

Musician and singer Michael Franti, who also is known for work that has examined racial and social injustices, perhaps summed up the dichotomy of Scott-Heron in a statement Saturday that described him as "a genius and a junkie."

"The first time I met him in San Francisco in 1991 while working as a doorman at the Kennel Klub, my heart was broken to see a hero of mine barely able to make it to the stage, but when he got there he was clear as crystal while singing and dropping knowledge bombs in his between song banter," said Franti, who described himself as a longtime friend. "His view of the world was so sad and yet so inspiring."

Scott-Heron was known for work that reflected the fury of black America in the post-civil rights era and spoke to the social and political disparities in the country. His songs often had incendiary titles — "Home is Where the Hatred Is" or "Whitey on the Moon" — and through spoken word and song he tapped the frustration of the masses.

He came to prominence in the 1970s as black America was grappling with the violent losses of some of its most promising leaders and what seemed to many to be the broken promises of the civil rights movement.

"It's winter in America, and all of the healers have been killed or been betrayed," lamented Scott-Heron in the song "Winter in America."

Scott-Heron recorded the song that would make him famous, "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised," which critiqued mass media, for the album "125th and Lenox" in Harlem in the 1970s. He followed up that recording with more than a dozen albums, collaborating mostly with musician Brian Jackson.

Though he was never a mainstream artist, he was an influential voice — so much so that his music was considered to be a precursor of rap and he influenced generations of hip-hop artists that would follow. When asked, however, he typically downplayed his integral role in the foundation of the genre.

"If there was any individual initiative that I was responsible for it might have been that there was music in certain poems of mine, with complete progression and repeating 'hooks,' which made them more like songs than just recitations with percussion," he wrote in the introduction to his 1990 collection of poems, "Now and Then."

In later years, he would become known more for his battle with drugs such as crack cocaine than his music. His addiction led to stints in jail and a general decline: In a 2008 interview with New York magazine, he said he had been living with HIV for years, but he still continued to perform and put out music; his last album, which came out this year, was a collaboration with artist Jamie xx, "We're Still Here," a reworking of Scott-Heron's acclaimed "I'm New Here," which was released in 2010.

He also was still smoking crack, as detailed in a New Yorker article last year.

"Ten to fifteen minutes of this, I don't have pain," he said. "I could have had an operation a few years ago, but there was an 8 percent chance of paralysis. I tried the painkillers, but after a couple of weeks I felt like a piece of furniture. It makes you feel like you don't want to do anything. This I can quit anytime I'm ready."

He referred to his signature mix of percussion, politics and performed poetry as bluesology or Third World music. But then he said it was simply "black music or black American music."

"Because black Americans are now a tremendously diverse essence of all the places we've come from and the music and rhythms we brought with us," he wrote.

Even those who may have never heard of Scott-Heron's name nevertheless knew his music. His influence on generations of rappers has been demonstrated through sampling of his recordings by artists, from Common to Mos Def to Tupac Shakur. Kanye West closes out the last track of his latest album with a long excerpt of Scott-Heron's "Comment No. 1."

Throughout his musical career, he took on political issues of his time, including apartheid in South Africa and nuclear arms. He had been shaped by the politics of the 1960s and black literature, especially the Harlem Renaissance.

Scott-Heron was born in Chicago on April 1, 1949. He was raised in Jackson, Tenn., and in New York before attending college at Lincoln University in Pennsylvania. Before turning to music, he was a novelist, at age 19, with the publication of "The Vulture," a murder mystery.

He also was the author of "The Nigger Factory," a social satire.

His final works continued his biting social commentary. "I'm New Here" included songs with titles such as "Me and the Devil" and "New York Is Killing Me."

In a 2010 interview with Fader magazine, Scott-Heron admitted he "could have been a better person. That's why you keep working on it."

"If we meet somebody who has never made a mistake, let's help them start a religion. Until then, we're just going to meet other humans and help to make each other better."

___

Online:

http://www.gilscottheron.net

___

Associated Press writer Cristian Salazar contributed to this report.

___

Nekesa Mumbi Moody can be reached at http://www.twitter.com/nekesamumbi

Monday, January 17, 2011

Mickey D's and Peace

Supply chains and peace

  • No two countries that both had McDonald’s had ever fought a war against each other since each got its McDonald’s. In a country with a middle class large enough to support a network of McDonald’s people would rather wait in line for burgers than fight a war.
  • This also implies that no two countries who are part of the same global supply chain are likely to engage in war. They have too much to lose.

For more go to DrDougGreen.com


Friday, January 14, 2011

Character: What women think of your fashion By Matt Christensen

Sure, you know what you like to wear, but do you have any clue what your date thinks of your look? With the help of three women and a fashion stylist, we put seven common men’s fashion statements on trial. Which ones will live to see date night — and which will get locked away for good by the fashion police? All rise…fashion court is in session!

Meet the fashion police:
Caitlin, 30, retail, Kansas City, MO
Lauren, 22, marketing, Columbus, OH
Jane, 23, student, Brooklyn, NY
Maria, 27, fashion stylist, New York, NY

Fashion Statement #1: Baseball caps
“A lot of guys actually look cuter with a hat on. It really suits the younger crowd. But it can look strange on older men: What are they trying to hide under there?”
– Lauren

“These are fine for daytime dates, but a chronic display of baseball caps would send up warning flags about hair loss — and the guy’s embarrassed about it.”
– Caitlin

“Guys look hot in baseball caps. As long as you’re in a casual atmosphere, like a sports event or the park, go for it!”
– Jane

“I love guys in baseball caps. Just be sure to give your head a breather every now and then…”
– Maria

The jury says: NOT GUILTY! This fashion statement gets pardoned, thanks to its classic, casual vibe. But you and your cap should spend some time apart, too. Sure, the hat might be hurt, but it’s healthier for the relationship in the long run.

Fashion Statement #2: Earrings
“I don’t think this trend is so bad. Sure, it may be a little ‘boy band,’ but a lot of girls secretly like that.”
– Lauren

“Earrings are OK, so long as they aren’t dangly. Specifically, the boy-band style hoop earrings are atrocious. I went out with a guy who wore them, and it was like staring across the table at a pirate.”
– Caitlin

“Unless your name is Donnie, Joey, Danny, Jordan, or Jonathan, you shouldn’t be wearing one earring. Two is more acceptable, and only if they’re not bigger than a pencil eraser.”
– Jane

“Keep them a decent size, and you’re golden. But once they get too large, no matter how big the diamonds are, it’s time to rethink things. No girl wants a guy with ears like a beagle!”
– Maria

The jury says: SPLIT DECISION! Remember, guys, you don’t want your jewelry to outshine your date’s. Keep your studs understated, and they’ll look cool. But wear earrings that are big and showy, and she’ll be asking, “Hey, where’s your parrot?”

Fashion Statement #3: Bluetooth ear clip
“Guys who wear these clips should always set their phones to vibrate. It’s obnoxious.”
– Lauren

“These are a paradox. On the one hand, they suggest that you are very busy, forward-thinking, etc. But, on the other hand, the only guys who I ever see wearing them are also sporting ridiculously puffy, pleated khakis. Go figure.”
– Caitlin

“Every time I see these, I imagine the guy facing another corporate drone from the opposite end of a fluorescently lit hallway, not a guy who is ready to take me out for the night.”
– Jane

“This look makes women assume that you have 2.5 kids and a golden retriever waiting behind a picket fence in the ’burbs.”
– Maria

The jury says: GUILTY! Ditch them! Bluetooth clips are the fanny pack of this decade and deserve a home in the trash, not on your body.

Fashion Statement #4: Socks with sandals
“Anyone over the age of 10 should know better. Unless you’re making a concerted effort to remain in your parents’ basement until you’re 40, ditch the socks, or find some shoes.”
– Lauren

“This doesn’t even reflect bad fashion sense — it reflects a lack of fashion sense altogether. One guy actually came to pick me up for a first date in this combo. I’m trying to remember whether or not he was wearing a Hard Rock Café shirt, of if my brain just filled that in years after the fact. No, it was definitely a Hard Rock shirt.”
– Caitlin

“If your feet are going to be cold in sandals, why wouldn’t you just, I dunno…wear shoes?”
– Jane

“Does any guy still do that?!”
– Maria

The jury says: GUILTY! While the comfort level may be high, the blinding effect of bright white tube socks and Tevas will make sure you enjoy yourself sans female companionship.

Fashion Statement #5: Ripped/distressed jeans
“If it’s a genuine pair of ripped, torn, well-worn jeans, then they’re totally sexy.”
– Lauren

“Ripped jeans fall into two categories. Either they’re legitimately ragged because they’re your favorite, or you’ve been instructed on what’s trendy and have spent $200 on pre-ripped, distressed denim. The former is fine. The latter is a jerk alert.”
– Caitlin

“Depending on the appropriateness of the ripped areas, these are all right. But, if there’s any visible indication of your boxer shorts, forget it.”
– Jane

“These will always be in style. A guy’s favorite pair of jeans is special. You know, as long as they aren’t acid-washed!”
– Maria

The jury says: NOT GUILTY! No real guy would ever throw away his favorite pair of jeans — even if they look like they did battle with a shredder. Thank goodness the ladies agree that they’re not only appropriate, but appealing, as long as those holes and tears were come by honestly.

Fashion Statement #6: Popped (or turned-up) shirt collars
“I’ve actually turned guys’ collars down for them. It’s a guy trying way too hard to be trendy.”
– Lauren

“Truth be told, I like this look. You have to be extremely confident to pull it off.”
– Caitlin

“If your neck is cold, wear a scarf.”
– Jane

“This is a trend that definitely got out of hand. But some guys can pull it off. It’s not going to make a guy incredibly enticing to me, but it wouldn’t turn me off, either.”
– Maria

The jury says: SPLIT DECISION! If you look like an Express Men catalog dude, feel free to pop away. You’re the person that the look was tailor-made for. But if you don’t have the confidence to rock the fashion statement, you’re best letting gravity style your collar.

Fashion Statement #7: Sports jerseys
“Football jerseys are adorable on game day. But the basketball jerseys with white undershirts need to go. They remind me of my high school’s JV team.”
– Lauren

“If I met someone wearing a jersey, I’d immediately assume he’s a guy’s guy. He likes cars, dogs, and sports. That’s attractive. But, if he showed up for a date wearing one, I’d make him wait while I slipped into my sweats and flip-flops.”
– Caitlin

“Basketball jerseys are the worst. Nobody wants to see your armpit hair.”
– Jane

“If there’s a game on, a jersey is not just acceptable but encouraged. Otherwise, there really isn’t a good time to bring it out of retirement.”
– Maria

The jury says: NOT GUILTY! Rest easy, pal. You can hang on to that prized Drew Brees jersey. Just be sure to wear it on game day, and bench it during the off-season. And save the hoops gear for, well, the basketball court.

Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and WWE Magazine. He’s single-handedly trying to bring back pocket protectors. For the other side of this story, read What the guys think of your fashion.



Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Character: What the men think of your fashion By Matt Christensen

It’s no secret that women spend hours trying to figure out what to wear before they head out on a date (or on the prowl for one). But the real question is, what do men think of their efforts? We enlisted four men to act as our own fashion police and tell us what they really think about various fads women seem to keep kicking around. Which ones get their thumbs up, and which get sentenced to life in the bargain bin? Answers ahead.

Fad Fashion #1: Designer sweats/sweats with words on them
“This look always reminds me of self-absorbed teenage girls that hang out at the mall. Did you just come from Claire’s or something?”
– Steve, 31, writer, Missouri

“The words try to make sweats something that they’re not. Sweats should be basic, comfortable, and laid-back. That’s what makes them sexy.”
– Andrew, 25, grad student, Ohio

“With words like ‘juicy’ and ‘pink’ on them, it makes me wonder about what message these girls are really trying to send. Not hot.”
– Joey, 29, analyst, Vermont

“Irony is seeing the word ‘classy’ down a woman’s thigh. Forget trans-fats, these fashion catastrophes need to go.”
– Ed, 29, nightclub manager, Ohio

The jury says: Bargain bin! The sooner you turn these togs into rags, the better. If you want a guy to check out your figure, it’s probably best to not cover it with random adjectives or ad campaigns.

Fad Fashion #2: T-shirts with witty slogans or sayings
“Ninety-five percent of the girls who wear t-shirts that say something like ‘Out Of Your League’ really aren’t, actually. And shirts like these only serve to point that out. As for the other five percent, why rub it in?”
– Steve

“I love a woman in a t-shirt. But I can’t get behind the off-the-shelf sort of generic slogan, message, or design. Now, a legit, vintage concert or band t-shirt, that’s a different story.”
– Andrew

“These could be fun. But, only if the messages read something like ‘LARP is a Battlefield’ or ‘I’ve Seen Bloodsport.’ The traditional messages, like ‘Team Jacob’ and ‘Drama Queen’ make me wonder when your parents are coming to pick you up.”
– Joey

“Trendy does not, nor will it ever, equal sexy. Trading that ‘Your Future Ex-Wife’ top for a basic white t-shirt will get you more flattering looks instead of repulsed grimaces.”
– Ed

The jury says: Bargain bin! T-shirts are sexy staples because they’re basic and simple. Don’t clutter them with meaningless slogans, obnoxious phrases, or any sort of wordplay that you’d see on someone’s Facebook status updates.

Fad Fashion #3: Leggings
“If you’ve got nice legs, this look can be attractive with a short dress and heels. It says, ‘I know it’s cold out, but I still want to give you guys something to look at.’ That’s just being considerate.”
– Steve

“I like being able to check out the shape of her legs while still having to use my imagination to visualize what they’d really look like.”
– Andrew

“Leggings make me feel like she’s trying too hard. Or like she’s been warped through time from the 80s. Once and for all, Pat Benatar was not that sexy.”
– Joey

“Leggings work for me, but I’m a leg man. I’ve seen a lot of wacky, bold colors, and I can see how some guys might find them unattractive, but understated ones have a certain charisma.”
– Ed

The jury says: Keep it! Covering up your legs this way can add to the intrigue and charm of your look and stretch your clothing further between seasons.

Fad Fashion #4: Ugg boots
“Wearing these makes you look like you were stuffed into a time capsule in 2003 and just recently woke up. Don’t do it.”
– Steve

“Unless it’s -10 degrees Fahrenheit out, I can’t understand why any woman would ever put these on. And, if she’s wearing them with a skirt, I probably won’t talk to her. Ever.”
– Andrew

“Short for ‘ugg-ly,’ right? Leave these to the Vikings, ladies. They wore them better.”
– Joey

“Pam Anderson used to wear these on Baywatch, and it made me want to change the channel. Think about that. I wanted to turn off Baywatch.”
– Ed

The jury says: Bargain bin! Somewhere, an Eskimo mourns because you took his boots and wore them all year long... for about a decade. Can you live with that knowledge?

Fad Fashion #5: Giant sunglasses
“This is the female equivalent of a hipster beard — fun to wear, yet obnoxious. But, if you make a joke about how your delicate retinas need 100% UV protection on a daily basis, I’d be cool with them.”
– Steve

“I immediately assume that a woman is not attractive if she covers up half of her face with these things.”
– Andrew

“These are absolutely OK — if you’re 87 and playing shuffleboard. Otherwise, they’re just covering up prime real estate. No one is gonna bid if they can’t see the property.”
– Joey

“These sunglasses make women look like insects! And never once have I looked at a grasshopper and thought, ‘Wow, sexy!’ Leave the bug eyes to the bugs, ladies.”
– Ed

The jury says: Bargain bin. Don’t be fooled — a brief tilt of the sunglasses can make a woman seem undeniably alluring. Just make sure to pick frames that fit your face, not Rachel Zoe’s.

Fad Fashion #6: Miniskirts
“Provided your legs are shapely and not milky white, miniskirts are super-hot. Girls with Casper-colored legs can look just as attractive (if not more so) in a tight pair of jeans, though.”
– Steve

“These are sexy, but I don’t think I’d be interested in dating someone who habitually wears them. Miniskirts will always get women attention, but sometimes it’s better to leave things to the imagination.”
– Andrew

“This is a time-tested, man-approved sure thing. Miniskirts and heels are like the playoffs and ribs — they go together perfectly.”
– Joey

“Ladies, don’t kid yourselves — men will always look at a girl in a miniskirt. If that’s what you’re going for, put one on.”
– Ed

The jury says: Keep it! Miniskirts have been around and in style since the 60s. Embrace the history and keep the tradition alive.

Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and WWE Magazine. He threw his Ugg boots away a long, long time ago. For the other side of this story, read What the ladies think of your fashion.



Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

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Friday, January 07, 2011

Character: More young people are winding up in nursing homes

AP/Chris O'Meara
Adam Martin, Wes Bower AP – In this photo taken Dec. 13, 2010, quadriplegic Adam Martin, left, works with physical therapist Wes …

SARASOTA, Fla. – Adam Martin doesn't fit in here. No one else in this nursing home wears Air Jordans. No one else has stacks of music videos by 2Pac and Jay-Z. No one else is just 26.

It's no longer unusual to find a nursing home resident who is decades younger than his neighbor: About one in seven people now living in such facilities in the U.S. is under 65. But the growing phenomenon presents a host of challenges for nursing homes, while patients like Martin face staggering isolation.

"It's just a depressing place to live," Martin says. "I'm stuck here. You don't have no privacy at all. People die around you all the time. It starts to really get depressing because all you're seeing is negative, negative, negative."

The number of under-65 nursing home residents has risen about 22 percent in the past eight years to about 203,000, according to an analysis of statistics from the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. That number has climbed as mental health facilities close and medical advances keep people alive after they've suffered traumatic injuries. Still, the overall percentage of nursing home residents 30 and younger is less than 1 percent.

Martin was left a quadriplegic when he was accidentally shot in the neck last year by his stepbrother. He spent weeks hospitalized before being released to a different nursing home and eventually ended up in his current residence, the Sarasota Health and Rehabilitation Center. There are other residents who are well short of retirement age, but he is the youngest.

The yellow calendar on the wall of Martin's small end-of-the-hall room advertises activities such as arts and crafts. In the small common room down the hall, a worker draws a bingo ball and intones, "I-16. I-one-six." As Martin maneuvers his motorized wheelchair through the hallway, most of those he passes have white hair and wrinkled skin.

"It's lonely here," Martin says, as a single tear drips from his right eye.

Martin exchanges muted hellos with older residents as he travels down the hall to smoke outside. His entire daily routine, from showering to eating to enjoying a cigarette, is dictated by the schedules of those on whom he relies for help.

He usually wakes up late, then waits for an aide to shower him, dress him and return him to his wheelchair. He watches TV, goes to therapy five days a week and waits most days for his friend to bring him meals.

He mostly keeps to himself, engaging in infrequent and superficial conversations with his elders.

Martin's parents are unable to care for him at home. His father is a truck driver who is constantly on the road, and his stepmother is sick with lupus. Medicaid pays his bills; it could take a lawsuit for him to get care outside a nursing home.

Advocates who help young patients find alternatives to nursing homes say people are often surprised to learn there are so many in the facilities. About 15 percent of nursing home residents are under 65.

"When I tell people I try to get kids out of nursing homes, they have no idea," says Katie Chandler, a social worker for the nonprofit Georgia Advocacy Office.

Federal law requires states to provide alternatives to institutional care when possible, though its implementation varies from place to place. Navigating the system can require a knowledgeable advocate and, sometimes, litigation.

Not all younger nursing home residents are there for good. Some nursing homes are seeing an increase in patients who come to recover there instead of in a hospital, because it is cheaper for their insurance company.

Like Martin, many younger residents have suffered a traumatic injury. Others have neuromuscular diseases such as multiple sclerosis, or have suffered a stroke.

Brent Kaderli, 26, of Baytown, Texas, became a quadriplegic after a car accident in 2006. He hopes rehabilitation will help him gain enough strength to move into an assisted living facility and eventually, to an apartment with his girlfriend.

He shares his nursing home room with an older man who suffers from dementia. It is not ideal, but because his parents' home is not modified to accommodate his wheelchair, he thinks it's the only option right now.

"Just knowing that one day I will be better, I'm still hoping and praying for that. In the meantime, I think about my family and my friends, what I used to be able to do, and I stay sad a lot," he says. "This is probably the best that I could have at this point."

The same generational tensions that exist outside nursing homes are inside them as well, and are sometimes exacerbated by the often close confines.

Older residents complain about loud music and visitors, younger residents complain about living with someone with dementia or being served creamed spinach. Many nursing homes try to house younger residents together, though in many cases their small numbers make that difficult.

For young people who find themselves newly disabled, the psychological and social needs are often even more challenging than their physical demands. That presents a challenge for nursing homes that are used to serving people near the ends of their lives.

At Bayshore Health Center in Duluth, Minn., 34 of the 160 residents are younger people, all living in private rooms in their own wing. The staff has found that subtle changes can improve their lives.

Instead of bingo night, there are poker games and outings to nightclubs. For someone who stays up late watching a movie, breakfast can be served at 10 a.m., rather than 7 a.m. Pizza is offered in place of lasagna; Mountain Dew and Coke are poured instead of coffee and tea.

Still, many younger residents sink into depression because of their physical limitations, their loneliness and their nursing home surroundings.

"For them it's a life sentence. When you're 40 years old you know you're never getting out. This is the way your life will be forever and ever. Amen," says Diane Persson, a gerontologist who has written about the boom in younger nursing home residents.

Martin fears that may be true for him. He used to look forward to joining the Army and earning a college degree in science or engineering. Now he simply looks forward to visits from his friend Paul Tuttle, who on this day brings him nachos he feeds him along with sips of water.

"If I'm not here, he's got no one his age to talk to about football or anything," Tuttle says, wiping Martin's face.

Propped in his wheelchair, Martin says: "It makes you feel old. If that's all you're around, that's what you become."

(This version corrects Katie Chandler's affiliation to Georgia Advocacy Office, not state of Georgia.)

2,822 Comments!!

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Character: Top 10 Reasons Small Businesses Fail by Jay Goltz

The New York Times, Wednesday January 5, 2011

One of the least understood aspects of entrepreneurship is why small businesses fail, and there's a simple reason for the confusion: Most of the evidence comes from the entrepreneurs themselves.

I have had a close-up view of numerous business failures -- including a few start-ups of my own. And from my observation, the reasons for failure cited by the owners are frequently off-point, which kind of makes sense when you think about it. If the owners really knew what they were doing wrong, they might have been able to fix the problem. Often, it's simply a matter of denial or of not knowing what you don't know.

In many cases, the customers -- or, I should say, ex-customers -- have a better understanding than the owners of what wasn't working. The usual suspects that the owners tend to blame are the bank, the government, or the idiot partner. Rarely does the owner's finger point at the owner.

Of course, there are cases where something out of the owner's control has gone terribly wrong, but I have found those instances to be in the minority.

What follows -- based on my own experiences and observations -- are my top 10 reasons small businesses fail. The list is not pretty, it is not simple, and it does not contain any of those usual suspects (although they might come in at Nos. 11, 12 and 13).

1. The math just doesn't work. There is not enough demand for the product or service at a price that will produce a profit for the company. This, for example, would include a start-up trying to compete against Best Buy and its economies of scale.

2. Owners who cannot get out of their own way. [This is personal attitude.] They may be stubborn, risk adverse, conflict adverse -- meaning they need to be liked by everyone (even employees and vendors who can't do their jobs). They may be perfectionist, greedy, self-righteous, paranoid, indignant, or insecure. You get the idea. Sometimes, you can even tell these owners the problem, and they will recognize that you are right -- but continue to make the same mistakes over and over.

3. Out-of-control growth. This one might be the saddest of all reasons for failure -- a successful business that is ruined by over-expansion. This would include moving into markets that are not as profitable, experiencing growing pains that damage the business, or borrowing too much money in an attempt to keep growth at a particular rate. Sometimes less is more.

4. Poor accounting. You cannot be in control of a business if you don't know what is going on. With bad numbers, or no numbers, a company is flying blind, and it happens all of the time. Why? For one thing, it is a common -- and disastrous -- misconception that an outside accounting firm hired primarily to do the taxes will keep watch over the business. In reality, that is the job of the chief financial officer, one of the many hats an entrepreneur has to wear until a real one is hired.

5. Lack of a cash cushion. If we have learned anything from this recession (I know it's "over" but my customers don't seem to have gotten the memo), it's that business is cyclical and that bad things can and will happen over time -- the loss of an important customer or critical employee, the arrival of a new competitor, the filing of a lawsuit. These things can all stress the finances of a company. If that company is already out of cash (and borrowing potential), it may not be able to recover.

6. Operational mediocrity. I have never met a business owner who described his or her operation as mediocre. But we can't all be above average. Repeat and referral business is critical for most businesses, as is some degree of marketing (depending on the business).

7. Operational inefficiencies. Paying too much for rent, labor, and materials. Now more than ever, the lean companies are at an advantage. Not having the tenacity or stomach to negotiate terms that are reflective of today's economy may leave a company uncompetitive.

8. Dysfunctional management. Lack of focus, vision, planning, standards and everything else that goes into good management. Throw fighting partners or unhappy relatives into the mix, and you have a disaster.

9. The lack of a succession plan. We're talking nepotism, power struggles, significant players being replaced by people who are in over their heads -- all reasons many family businesses do not make it to the next generation.

10. A declining market. Book stores, music stores, printing businesses and many others are dealing with changes in technology, consumer demand, and competition from huge companies with more buying power and advertising dollars.

In life, you may have forgiving friends and relatives, but entrepreneurship is rarely forgiving. Eventually, everything shows up in the soup. If people don't like the soup, employees stop working for you, and customers stop doing business with you. And that is why businesses fail.

Jay Goltz owns five small businesses in Chicago.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Writing Character: Happy Marriage_Sustainable Love

Sustainable Love

The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage

A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons.
Heads of State

But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.

“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”

The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?

Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.

Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.

Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.

To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)

While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.

“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”

The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.

The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love.

In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, “Who are you today?” and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.

After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.

“You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn’t have before,” explains Dr. Aron, who co-authored the research. “When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it’s very exhilarating.”

Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.

Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.

In experiments by Dr. Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like “ambitious” or “artistic.” A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.

People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.

“It’s easy to answer those questions if you’re both the same,” Dr. Lewandowski explains. “But if it’s just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, ‘Is that me or is that you?’ ”

It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.

All of this can be highly predictive for a couple’s long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr. Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship.

In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom.

Overlap = Happy?

“People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”

Friday, December 31, 2010

BUY THIS TUNE: Dog Days Are Over by Florence And The Machine

A little inspiration for 2011 from Neale Sourna via the wonderful Florence and the Machine.

Album: LUNGS (2009)

Songwriters: Summers, Isa; Welch, Florence
Dog Days Are Over lyrics © Goldzeal Ltd.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Writing Character: The Cardigans - And Then You Kissed Me--literal or figurative?

So, if you use this song as a character base for your writing, would you use it as a literal text or figurative to what the character feels or expresses their daily life?
--Neale Sourna

Title: The Cardigans - And Then You Kissed Me lyrics
Artist: The Cardigans Lyrics

Man, I've had a few
but they wouldn't quite blow me like you
you gave me your name and signed
with a halo around my eye

and it hit me like never before
that love is a powerful force
yes, it struck me that love is a sport
so i pushed you a little bit more

love, you're news to me
you're a little bit more than i thought you'd be
a mole in my well-fed lawn
you're a nightmare beating the dawn

oh, it hit me like never before
that love is a powerful force
yes, it struck me that love is sport
so i pushed you a little bit more

Blue, blue, black and blue
red blood sticks like glue
true love is cruel love
red blood's a power-fuel
sweet love, tasty blood
my heart overfloods

oh you hit me!
yeah, you hit me really hard
man, you hit me!
yeah you hit me right in the heart

lord, I've had my deal
but i never quite knew how it feels
when love makes you wake up sore
with fists that are ready for more

and it hit me that love is a game
like in war no one can be blamed
yes, it struck me that love is a sport
so i pushed you a little bit more

oh, blue, blue, black and blue
red blood sticks like glue
true love is cruel love
red blood's a power fuel
sweet love tasted blood
my heart overfloods

man, you hit me!
yeah you hit me really hard
baby, you hit me!
yeah you punched me right in the heart
and then you kissed me...

and then you hit me...

oh, you haunt me with your violent heartbeat at night
oh, you strike me with your silence baby, tonight
why you haunt me with your violence baby, come hit me!
you haunt me with your violent heartbeat...

Friday, November 26, 2010

"Love is misunderstood..."

FROM NIGHTINGALE.COM

"Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually, it is a state of awareness, a way of
being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others."

— Dr. David Hawkins: Psychiatrist, physician, spiritual teacher, lecturer

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"Writing about sex is too easy and not REAL literature."

How many times have you heard this, or something like it? Or maybe I just notice it when its spoken and, sometimes, not spoken, but implied in tone and texture--because I am a writer, of erotica, both soft and hardcore.

Do they say "Writing about violence is too easy and not REAL literature," or "Writing a mystery about murdering people is too easy and not REAL literature"?

No.

Writing sexy and loving material about gentle loves and hard, physical loving and lovemaking is FUN, but takes energy and focus and SKILL. Try it sometimes yourself.

WRITING PROMPT:

1. Write a scene about two sweet people (of whatever gender and sexual persuasion) who BELONG together in every way you can imagine and admit their love to each other.

2. Now, rewrite it with one of them balking and dragging their feet about admitting true love.

3. Then, rewrite it with both of them clearly want each other, but they're hardcore about pushing each other to the edge. You pick their sexy edge: sex in the open, a little violence, some bondage, menstrual blood, cutting, etc.

Hm, not so easy now. Or do you think these characters, these realistic "real" people are just deviants and not interesting or appropriate for an general, adult audience. Hm....

--Neale Sourna

THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED- Trailer at YouTube.com

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A client's nonpayment is your gain.

Here's the first three (3) of five (5) short fiction titles I did for a client, who hasn't paid, so I'm publishing them to my sight as additive new title content. One day I'll expand them and print/ebook publish them.

http://stories.neale-sourna.com/TheFreelancer.html
NEW! The Freelancer

Annie’s new temp, Ryan, with the fascinating ass, is great at his job, on his first day, but he’s driving her to distraction. She can’t get anything done.

When Annie works late and alone, to catch up on work, gorgeous Ryan returns in order to show her what he’s really freelancing in. 1000 words

----
http://stories.neale-sourna.com/Rough-MeDotCom.html
NEW! Rough-Me Dot Com

Dot com queen, Lara, runs an internet site for rough sex. Her own boring romantic life has her observing the online site communications of a client, named Will. She makes contact with him, as Dennie, one of her aliases, who "works for her."

When he decides he wants to meet "Dennie" in person, Lara puts herself in the perilous position, because rough stud Will make break her company, break her, and bust her cunt to pieces. 1000 words

----
http://stories.neale-sourna.com/TangoWithMe.html
NEW! Tango With Me

Elaine left Cleveland for Buenos Aires, Argentina the home of sultry Argentine Tango to learn from the best—a man, named “K,” she’s only seen in shadow and smoke in a documentary.

He’s not the man on the screen, a fiction; this is a living, dangerous man of sensuality, and a bit of cruelty. So is the Tango he teaches her, until she’s ready and had enough of fiction and the push and shove of dance, to find herself exposed before all and doing the “Horizontal Mambo” upright. 998 words

Neale Sourna's Short and More Storygateway

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Ebooks Versus Print Books

Please, people, stop confusing yourselves and denigrating the newer form. Ebooks are print books for the screen! The same file you use for your print book is the same file you can use for--and should use, barring formatting conventions--your ebooks.

The SAME FILE.

The only things that need change or things which need to be tweaked for each specific ebook software you use so that it works properly and LOOKS correct to the human eye. Check for punctuation formulas, like for curly quotes and such falling apart and displaying its codes every time a character speaks in each ebook packing. Or paragraphs not being indented and smooshing together, so everything looks like one tediously long paragraph.

Other than things like that, the text, your story, all that is what you truly wanted to say and publish remains the same. An ebook is a print screen publishing.