CHARACTER WRITING, consider these: 10 Surprising Things All Wives Should Know About Their Husbands By Woman s Day | Love + Sex – Thu, Aug 22, 2013

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/10-surprising-things-wives-know-husbands-175700556.html


By Lauren Ramakrishna

 Whether you recently said "I do" or just celebrated a double-digit anniversary, you can probably spout off a lot of info about your husband-his middle name, where he was born, his favorite food. But knowing these 10 other things can bring you closer than ever. Find out why, and try these relationship strategies to ensure your husband is anything but a mystery. Photo by Getty Images

1. When He Needs Space
 Sharing office news, the kids' schedules and the latest neighborhood drama as soon as your husband walks in the door each night can backfire. "Most women want to immediately connect at the end of the day. For a lot of guys, they need their space more than ever then," says Les Parrott III, PhD, a psychology professor and co-author (with wife and marriage therapist Leslie Parrott, EdD) of The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer. Give your hubby a few minutes to unwind when he comes home. You're more likely to get his undivided attention if you wait.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Mother-In-Law
2. When He's Really Listening
 If it seems like your husband constantly tunes you out, consider this: Men may look at other areas of the room while still paying attention, according to Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, who reviewed videotapes of same-sex best friends talking. Rather than focus on where your husband's gaze lands during conversations, note how he responds to you. If your words are truly falling on deaf ears, Rachel A. Sussman, a relationship specialist and author of The Breakup Bible, suggests gently telling him you feel he isn't listening; then, let him respond. "Don't accuse or blame him," she advises.

3. The Most Productive Way to Fight…
Arguments happen in any good marriage. But there's a wrong and right way to fight. Through a study conducted to predict how long couples would stay married, researchers discovered, not surprisingly, that yelling during fights often led to divorce-but so did approaching arguments differently from one's spouse (say, one spoke calmly and the other avoided the conversation). "Ask yourself, 'When would I want to have this conversation?'" suggests Sussman. "Then, think about what might work best for your husband." Assessing both your moods can help you pinpoint the best time for a constructive argument.

Related: 10 Sexy Tricks That Actually Turn Men Off
4. …And When an Argument is Going Nowhere
For some disagreements, there's just no productive way to fight it out. To find out if you're gearing up for a purposeful fight, rate the importance of the topic. If it's a core value-like how to raise your children or which city to live in-rank it highly. If it's not-like the color of a new bedspread or what to have for dinner-it may not be worth an argument. Next, determine if you and your husband are ready for the discussion. If either of you are "tired, hungry or distracted, don't get into a conversation about something important," Dr. Leslie Parrott advises.

5. Which Topics Set Him Off
 Maybe it's talking about his mom's flavorless cooking-or his late nights at work. Dr. Les Parrott says it's important to "know where the emotional landmines are. If you step on one, you can expect an explosion," he says. But you can't avoid all "hot topics." "Find the right space and time to talk about these issues," he suggests. Plus, try to understand your husband's side, and then approach him in a non-threatening way. You might say, "I'm not looking to upset you; I'm just looking for a solution to an issue that's causing me a lot of pain," Sussman offers.

Related: 12 Biggest Lies Men Tell Before Sex
6. How (and When) to Be His Support System
Couples who say they have strong spousal support and face daily stress have 50% higher rates of marriage satisfaction, according to a 2012 study. While wives equate affection and warmth with support, husbands feel supported when they're appreciated, needed and receiving offers to help with errands. Not sure if your hubby needs you? Ask him. "Mindreading is outlawed," says Jackie Black, PhD, a board-certified couples' coach and author of Meeting Your Match: Cracking the Code to Successful Relationships. Volunteer to tackle some tasks on his list so he can recharge. And tell him how much you appreciate him as a partner to give him a boost.

7. When He's Not Loving Your Love Life
If your man isn't showing signs he wants to have sex-perhaps he usually kisses your neck or gives you a telltale look-then it's time to rekindle the fire. Dr. Leslie Parrott says couples reconnect when they try out-of-the-box activities together. "Women experience intimacy through communication, so we often underplay sharing something novel," she says. Plan a date that'll get you both in the mood. Some ideas: Sign up for a race, head to the museum or take a cooking class to, ahem, turn up the heat.

8. How He Views His Role as Husband and Father
 Whether it's just you two or you plus kids, you and your husband have equally important family roles. And it's vital that you recognize how he views his part and respect it. "Of course that's a two-way street, but it's even more important for men," says Dr. Les Parrott, who adds that respecting his role helps him feel close to you. Fight the urge to cast your husband into specific parts without his input. And keep in mind that you don't always have to be in sync with parenting. "Differences in temperament and style are key to parents' success and the enjoyment of parenting," Dr. Black says.

9. What His Dream Job (or Vacation or Car) Is
It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life, but happy couples discuss "each other's hopes and dreams to build and sustain intimacy," says Dr. Black. Make it a point to regularly talk to your husband about, well, him. Find out his career goals for the next few years-or just hear about his favorite book, TV show or food of the moment. Then, reciprocate by telling him more about you. Communication helps you grow with each other instead of apart.

10. That You Don't Know Everything About Him
No matter how much you communicate with your husband, you can never completely know him, and that's OK. "It's never good to believe you know anything about your partner for sure and therefore not ask," says Dr. Black. "It's vital that you and your husband continually get to know each other," adds Sussman. "If you're growing, you have to continue to catch up with each other." That means there's at least one enjoyable thing you can do each week: get to know-and fall in love with-your husband all over again.

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Character studies: Male Depression_The Surprising Truth About Men and Depression By Elise Solé, Shine Staff | Healthy Living

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/the-surprising-truth-about-men-and-depression--165535021.html

 

ThinkStockFact: Women are diagnosed with depression at twice the rate that men are. But a surprising study of 5,692 people that was published this week in the medical journal JAMA Psychiatry shows that men actually suffer from depression nearly as often as women do. So how have doctors and therapists been missing the signs?

“The term ‘depression,’ conjures images of a sad, teary person who stays in bed all day, unable to eat or otherwise function — these traditional symptoms are what we’ve used to diagnose depression,” Lisa Martin, PhD, an assistant professor of women's and gender studies and health policy studies at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, told Yahoo Shine. “However, since men are socialized to toughen up and be stoic during hard times, when a man becomes depressed, we wouldn't necessarily know it.”

Past research has identified distinct characteristics of male depression (aggression, anger, and other destructive behaviors, for example). So when Martin and her team analyzed depression symptoms common among men, they found that 26 percent of men and 22 percent of women met the criteria for depression. “This wasn’t surprising because depressed women don’t typically walk around throwing things or exhibiting other types of aggressive behavior,” said Martin. However, when she used a scale that included both traditional symptoms and those male-specific symptoms, the rates for depression were similar among men and women: 31 percent and 33 percent, respectively.

“The results are significant because now, clinicians can spot more symptoms in men struggling with this illness,” said Martin. So what signs should women look for that might indicate the men in their lives are depressed?

Hyperactivity: Having difficulty sitting still and focusing on one task, or being fidgety or jumpy.

Aggression: Overreacting to minor annoyances and experiencing sudden spells of anger and/or violence with his physical features mirroring panic attacks (sweaty, difficulty breathing, chest pain, a loss of control, and more).

Over-extension: Has he taken on an unrealistic workload? Is he voluntarily working late hours? He could be that he's trying to blunt his emotions by staying busy.

Risky behavior: Gambling, smoking, excessive drinking or any other type of risk-taking behavior.

“It’s important to note that not all men who exhibit these symptoms are depressed. After all, some of this is normal male behavior,” Martin explained. “However, if a man who has never behaved like this suddenly shifts his behavior, it’s worth exploring whether he could be depressed. He may not realize it himself or know how to seek help.” What’s more, there are plenty of depressed men who display traditional signs of depression. According to Martin, “The new data just helps us understand more symptoms of male depression."

But should you be concerned if your partner has always been a high-energy, risk-taking dude who works hard? “It’s tricky because he may also be experiencing chronic, undiagnosed depression," said Martin. "You may suggest that he visit a clinician or therapist."

4 Techniques to Fire Up Your Fiction by Donald Maass

4 Techniques to Fire Up Your Fiction

October 13, 2009
by Donald Maass

Here are some exercises to apply to your novel-in-progress.

Many fiction manuscripts submitted to my literary agency feel lackluster. Much genre fiction feels tired. Many mainstream and literary novels also strike me as stale. Even when well written, too often manuscripts fail to engage and excite me.

What is missing when a manuscript hugs the wall and refuses to dance? Originality is not the key. It can’t be, otherwise no wounded detective would ever have a chance and every new vampire series would be dead on arrival. Even over-published clichés can sometimes break out and sell big. The same is true of look-alike mainstream and literary fiction.

The issue, then, is not whether a story has a cool new premise. Whether hiking a well-worn trail or blazing uncharted wilderness, when a manuscript succeeds it is invariably fired by inspiration. Passion comes through on the page.

How does that passion get there? Here are some exercises to apply to your novel-in-progress. They are designed to dig up what matters in your story and infuse it in your manuscript in effective—but not obvious—ways.

FIND THE UNCOMMON IN COMMON EXPERIENCE

To get passion into your story, do it through your characters. What angers you can anger them. What lifts them up will inspire us in turn. Even ordinary people can be poets, prophets and saints. That’s true in life, so why not in your fiction?

Here is an exercise designed to discover and utilize what is universal in the experience of your characters, especially when they are regular folk like you and me.

Write down what comes to mind when you read the prompts below.

1. Is your story realistic? Are your characters ordinary people?

2. What in the world of your story makes you angry? What are we not seeing? What is the most important question? What puzzle has no answer? What is dangerous in this world? What causes pain?

3. Where in the world of your story is there unexpected grace? What is beautiful? Who is an unrecognized hero? What needs to be saved?

4. Give your feelings to http://writersdigest.com/article/4-techniques-to-fire-up-your-fiction

Gamasutra--What Every Game Developer [and Writer] Needs to Know about Story

What Every Game Developer [and Writer] Needs to Know about Story

Increasingly, story is a hot item in games. Partly, this is because the quality bar is rising in this relatively young art form. As games evolve, people want more depth, not just higher polygon counts.

More to the point, game developers want to sell their wares to more people. Selling them to the same ones every time doesn't lead to a lot of growth. It's clear we need to tap into something more universally human.

And story is a universal human experience.

So how do we approach story in games? Well, to answer that, we need to look at what has worked in other story forms, and what is unique to the new story form of games.

Let's start with a statement everybody can agree on: Games aren't movies.

But that by itself doesn't get us very far. To figure out what games are, it's helpful to back up to an earlier problem: Movies aren't plays.

In the early part of the 20th century, moving pictures were a curiosity, an amusement. They had their addicts right from the beginning, to be sure. But they didn't become a substantial lasting art form until they discovered two related things:

1. They are a form of story, not just a new toy.
2. Their particular form of story differs from all previous forms of story, and has other things in common with all forms of story.

The same is true for games.

The first attempts to make movies into real stories failed. They failed because they were conceived as filmed plays. A camera would be set up about where an audience member would sit in the middle of a theater, and the play would ensue.

It didn't work. Early film makers didn't take into account that the human eye wanders all over the fixed box of the stage during a play, and a camera that does any less will bore the film audience to tears. They also hand discovered the rich tool set of camera angles, close-ups, far shots, and all the language of film we now take for granted. Generally speaking, they hadn't discovered what this particular story form was good at.

And frankly, neither have we in games.
Common misperceptions

There are a number of places where we've gone wrong in game stories so far. Most of the problems spring from two basic misunderstandings:

* Story is dialog.
* Story doesn't matter.

Sure, story is partly dialog. And a cake is part frosting. But here's a large fact that I'll elaborate on in just a moment: Story is....more article and Part 2

At Gamasutra--Game Story: Plot vs Character

07.28.2005

Game Story: Plot vs Character
In reading Sutherland's article on game story I didn't see anything new--at least not to a seasoned writer--but I did notice a gap.

Although Sutherland discusses character and internal conflict, he misses an important point of story development: character change is essential to plot movement. And for game developers, it's essential to player engagement in the story.

All good stories demonstrate change in the character of the protagonist as well as his/her condition in life and the world they intimately inhabit. If no character change occurs, the plot is dissatisfying. It is only when character changes that new plot options open up, which is how a character may choose an action at the end of a story which would be anathema or inconceivable to them at the beginning. That's the exciting point of story.

If a game story is merely a repetitive or pre-determined path through a series of tasks (such as endless "Fed-Ex" back-and-forthing), the game quickly becomes boring--no matter how lovely and twisted the cutscenes are. By setting story points which force character change and revelation, the game development team offers the player a more engaging experience, because they mutually create a sense of personal stake in the outcome.

Driving story by character versus plot.

Since games put the player into the character's "skin" for a time, the personality of the player becomes a tool for story exploration and raises the perception of personal stake in the story outcome. When developers offer the player branching points (reversals, revelations and branching options), they place increased control (or a perception of control) of character evolution in the player's hands and the player becomes a fully-vested partner in the progress of the story.

That interacton and engagement is an essential strength of games that other media do not offer. It's that strength, created by good story-telling and intelligent branching options, which creates great game experience and increased satisfaction as well as replayability.

Character is not just clever dialog--it's the key to engaging players at a personal level.

-Kat Richardson

From Absolute Write Forum: The actor you picture playing your characters!

I didn't use to write with a particular actor in mind, but I now have so many stories, that in order to not have "generic tall, dark, and handsome guy with the same characterization" in everything, I've taken to "casting" as I write. Yes. It would be fantastic if the guy did it, or gal, but mostly I do it for the mannerisms and quirks that only a live person and not a flat mental image or model can give.

Benjamin Bratt and Anthony Hopkins for my novel Best Erotica novel "Hobble", the lead woman is an amalgam of Jasmine Guy, Salli Richardson, Halli Berry, and my nephew added Jessica Alba. And lovely Hudson Leick as Ben's "twin" sister. [http://hobble.neale-sourna.com]

Eddie Spears--out of the loincloth--for my Victorian period novel that's wip and only in notebook, yet.

Redhead Gary Dourdan (lead), Russell Wong (lead) and Keanu Reeves (support) (these two as rich police brothers; eerily both left handed, scar on left brow, and same body type--Chinese) for "Aegis" wip novel. [http://aegis.neale-sourna.com]

An amalgam of Marton Csokas (even stole his last name) as Xena's "Borias" for look - Keith Hamilton Cobb's "Tyr Anasazi" for look and fierceness - Keanu Reeves, again, to rescale the physical size and add his widely subtle acting range. [Yeah, I said it, get over it.] (Keith and Keanu are also both Shakespearean actors)

Oddly, I don't mentally cast most of my women characters, as they seem to be naturally different, but I definitely don't want to rewrite the exact same male over and over moving and looking the same. I guess it's MY character flaw, that's now quite fun.
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