CHARACTER WRITING, consider these: 10 Surprising Things All Wives Should Know About Their Husbands By Woman s Day | Love + Sex – Thu, Aug 22, 2013

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/10-surprising-things-wives-know-husbands-175700556.html


By Lauren Ramakrishna

 Whether you recently said "I do" or just celebrated a double-digit anniversary, you can probably spout off a lot of info about your husband-his middle name, where he was born, his favorite food. But knowing these 10 other things can bring you closer than ever. Find out why, and try these relationship strategies to ensure your husband is anything but a mystery. Photo by Getty Images

1. When He Needs Space
 Sharing office news, the kids' schedules and the latest neighborhood drama as soon as your husband walks in the door each night can backfire. "Most women want to immediately connect at the end of the day. For a lot of guys, they need their space more than ever then," says Les Parrott III, PhD, a psychology professor and co-author (with wife and marriage therapist Leslie Parrott, EdD) of The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer. Give your hubby a few minutes to unwind when he comes home. You're more likely to get his undivided attention if you wait.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Mother-In-Law
2. When He's Really Listening
 If it seems like your husband constantly tunes you out, consider this: Men may look at other areas of the room while still paying attention, according to Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, who reviewed videotapes of same-sex best friends talking. Rather than focus on where your husband's gaze lands during conversations, note how he responds to you. If your words are truly falling on deaf ears, Rachel A. Sussman, a relationship specialist and author of The Breakup Bible, suggests gently telling him you feel he isn't listening; then, let him respond. "Don't accuse or blame him," she advises.

3. The Most Productive Way to Fight…
Arguments happen in any good marriage. But there's a wrong and right way to fight. Through a study conducted to predict how long couples would stay married, researchers discovered, not surprisingly, that yelling during fights often led to divorce-but so did approaching arguments differently from one's spouse (say, one spoke calmly and the other avoided the conversation). "Ask yourself, 'When would I want to have this conversation?'" suggests Sussman. "Then, think about what might work best for your husband." Assessing both your moods can help you pinpoint the best time for a constructive argument.

Related: 10 Sexy Tricks That Actually Turn Men Off
4. …And When an Argument is Going Nowhere
For some disagreements, there's just no productive way to fight it out. To find out if you're gearing up for a purposeful fight, rate the importance of the topic. If it's a core value-like how to raise your children or which city to live in-rank it highly. If it's not-like the color of a new bedspread or what to have for dinner-it may not be worth an argument. Next, determine if you and your husband are ready for the discussion. If either of you are "tired, hungry or distracted, don't get into a conversation about something important," Dr. Leslie Parrott advises.

5. Which Topics Set Him Off
 Maybe it's talking about his mom's flavorless cooking-or his late nights at work. Dr. Les Parrott says it's important to "know where the emotional landmines are. If you step on one, you can expect an explosion," he says. But you can't avoid all "hot topics." "Find the right space and time to talk about these issues," he suggests. Plus, try to understand your husband's side, and then approach him in a non-threatening way. You might say, "I'm not looking to upset you; I'm just looking for a solution to an issue that's causing me a lot of pain," Sussman offers.

Related: 12 Biggest Lies Men Tell Before Sex
6. How (and When) to Be His Support System
Couples who say they have strong spousal support and face daily stress have 50% higher rates of marriage satisfaction, according to a 2012 study. While wives equate affection and warmth with support, husbands feel supported when they're appreciated, needed and receiving offers to help with errands. Not sure if your hubby needs you? Ask him. "Mindreading is outlawed," says Jackie Black, PhD, a board-certified couples' coach and author of Meeting Your Match: Cracking the Code to Successful Relationships. Volunteer to tackle some tasks on his list so he can recharge. And tell him how much you appreciate him as a partner to give him a boost.

7. When He's Not Loving Your Love Life
If your man isn't showing signs he wants to have sex-perhaps he usually kisses your neck or gives you a telltale look-then it's time to rekindle the fire. Dr. Leslie Parrott says couples reconnect when they try out-of-the-box activities together. "Women experience intimacy through communication, so we often underplay sharing something novel," she says. Plan a date that'll get you both in the mood. Some ideas: Sign up for a race, head to the museum or take a cooking class to, ahem, turn up the heat.

8. How He Views His Role as Husband and Father
 Whether it's just you two or you plus kids, you and your husband have equally important family roles. And it's vital that you recognize how he views his part and respect it. "Of course that's a two-way street, but it's even more important for men," says Dr. Les Parrott, who adds that respecting his role helps him feel close to you. Fight the urge to cast your husband into specific parts without his input. And keep in mind that you don't always have to be in sync with parenting. "Differences in temperament and style are key to parents' success and the enjoyment of parenting," Dr. Black says.

9. What His Dream Job (or Vacation or Car) Is
It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life, but happy couples discuss "each other's hopes and dreams to build and sustain intimacy," says Dr. Black. Make it a point to regularly talk to your husband about, well, him. Find out his career goals for the next few years-or just hear about his favorite book, TV show or food of the moment. Then, reciprocate by telling him more about you. Communication helps you grow with each other instead of apart.

10. That You Don't Know Everything About Him
No matter how much you communicate with your husband, you can never completely know him, and that's OK. "It's never good to believe you know anything about your partner for sure and therefore not ask," says Dr. Black. "It's vital that you and your husband continually get to know each other," adds Sussman. "If you're growing, you have to continue to catch up with each other." That means there's at least one enjoyable thing you can do each week: get to know-and fall in love with-your husband all over again.

You Might Also Like:
10 Compliments Men Hate Getting
8 Secrets of Sexually Satisfied Couples
The Number One Reason Men Cheat On Thier Wives
8 Sneaky Ways To Tell That He's Lying

Character studies: Male Depression_The Surprising Truth About Men and Depression By Elise Solé, Shine Staff | Healthy Living

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/the-surprising-truth-about-men-and-depression--165535021.html

 

ThinkStockFact: Women are diagnosed with depression at twice the rate that men are. But a surprising study of 5,692 people that was published this week in the medical journal JAMA Psychiatry shows that men actually suffer from depression nearly as often as women do. So how have doctors and therapists been missing the signs?

“The term ‘depression,’ conjures images of a sad, teary person who stays in bed all day, unable to eat or otherwise function — these traditional symptoms are what we’ve used to diagnose depression,” Lisa Martin, PhD, an assistant professor of women's and gender studies and health policy studies at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, told Yahoo Shine. “However, since men are socialized to toughen up and be stoic during hard times, when a man becomes depressed, we wouldn't necessarily know it.”

Past research has identified distinct characteristics of male depression (aggression, anger, and other destructive behaviors, for example). So when Martin and her team analyzed depression symptoms common among men, they found that 26 percent of men and 22 percent of women met the criteria for depression. “This wasn’t surprising because depressed women don’t typically walk around throwing things or exhibiting other types of aggressive behavior,” said Martin. However, when she used a scale that included both traditional symptoms and those male-specific symptoms, the rates for depression were similar among men and women: 31 percent and 33 percent, respectively.

“The results are significant because now, clinicians can spot more symptoms in men struggling with this illness,” said Martin. So what signs should women look for that might indicate the men in their lives are depressed?

Hyperactivity: Having difficulty sitting still and focusing on one task, or being fidgety or jumpy.

Aggression: Overreacting to minor annoyances and experiencing sudden spells of anger and/or violence with his physical features mirroring panic attacks (sweaty, difficulty breathing, chest pain, a loss of control, and more).

Over-extension: Has he taken on an unrealistic workload? Is he voluntarily working late hours? He could be that he's trying to blunt his emotions by staying busy.

Risky behavior: Gambling, smoking, excessive drinking or any other type of risk-taking behavior.

“It’s important to note that not all men who exhibit these symptoms are depressed. After all, some of this is normal male behavior,” Martin explained. “However, if a man who has never behaved like this suddenly shifts his behavior, it’s worth exploring whether he could be depressed. He may not realize it himself or know how to seek help.” What’s more, there are plenty of depressed men who display traditional signs of depression. According to Martin, “The new data just helps us understand more symptoms of male depression."

But should you be concerned if your partner has always been a high-energy, risk-taking dude who works hard? “It’s tricky because he may also be experiencing chronic, undiagnosed depression," said Martin. "You may suggest that he visit a clinician or therapist."

CHARACTER Traits: What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins

SEE INSIDE!