Example 2 of writing for clients, rewrite of initial order:
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Hey, are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired
champagne, that’s more flavored water than sparkling? Well, romance
(falling in love) is an action; so, we’re going ruthlessly search our
bland scenes and discover little tender moments to spark our readers’
senses, imagination, and fears, then add the little stuff that exploits
our own and your readers’ emotions and expectations.
WRITE TO OUR SENSES
The easiest way to get deeper into your readers’ minds and hearts, and
into your characters, is to take individual editing passes through your
stories, concentrating one at a time, adding when your couple can SEE,
HEAR, TOUCH, SMELL (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and TASTE.
It adds flavor and sparks interest right away.
Why?
Because all of us, or nearly all, have all or most of these senses and
know what a fresh, crisp SWEET APPLE or a fresh, crisp TART APPLE TASTES
like. The SCENT of HOT BREAD, FLORAL COLOGNE, MUSK on a warm body you
love. Or WARM MUSK from a body that repels you.
Sensing adds
instant tactility and reality; drawing us deeper into your world, so
we’ll FEEL the HUG that relaxes us and the SHARP BITE of a whip from a
sadist drawing BLOOD from our backs and making us BITE our TONGUES to
TASTE.....
This technique is especially useful for those of us
who think A LOT and our characters do too. They think, they thought,
they realize…. Stop.
Get out of your head, and INTO THEIR BODIES
AND EMOTIONS. Use ALL of your senses for your character people; it makes
them more real to us. The first time I did this in a script it made
everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in EVERY sentence,
till we puke; but, it helps you add LIFE, so do it.
BUT, DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your story genre and the type of characters, your couple
or one of them may have a sense of “knowing” when the other is simply
arriving or FEEL UNREASONABLY agitated enough that they must rush to
find them because....
Or it may just be a FEELING of faith in
which one or both KNOWS the other will rescue them, love them, or hasn’t
truly left them.
Or that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do
the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family
members and close friends. We’re just on the same track, FEELING the
same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience. It is weirdly fun
and adds a layer of intimate bonding.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his
cologne, and not that gentle vibration that always signaled that he’s
nearby.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s
embrace, I felt, sensed, whatever, her body harden and edge away from
me; the worse was holding her yet in my arms, but feeling I was abruptly
alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Here’s a little more
help. Your characters, your people experience their lives and love,
suffer, die, and get reborn as vampires and zombies. Okay, vamps and z’s
are only in some cases. But, you, dear storyteller, are our only Guide
into this unique world and characters you have shaped, and how your
people discover and rediscover themselves and react and respond to it
will keep us reading, and sharing your books.
Think about an
historical era character who is rescued by a gentleman and, perhaps, now
owes the safety of her “virtue” and her life to him. And when he asks
can he contact her family, she has no answer.
Hm. Why? I don’t fully know yet, it’s a new work in progress for me; but, for my new heroine, her hero’s question:
Makes her DISCOVER she’s UNCOMFORTABLE (feeling) giving him that information.
She also DISCOVERS she FEELS bad about withholding this from him since he’s been nice, respectful, and he’s attractive. Yum.
But, she’s not going to cave and give her private information, now
(logic action, thoughts controlling her emotions); her reasons are a can
of crawly worms she doesn’t want to get into yet, or maybe ever.
This woman will disclose much later, when the EMOTIONAL STAKES ARE
HIGHER BETWEEN HEROINE AND HERO; but not now, which also helps my
storytelling and yours—postponing, delaying the consummation and climax
on this one subject.
That’s only half of telling an intimate story of two (or more) people interacting.
He’s in your written scene, too, and he’s been gracious, kind,
etcetera, plus, he’s a man for whom the world usually bends to his will,
and although he understands that she is afraid; still:
He’s
wondering what the heck is up with a woman apparently alone and who has
just survived multiple traumas. Why doesn’t she want her family...?
Maybe she’s not so innocent?
As you, storyteller, think and FEEL what he feels and thinks, you and
he are wondering if she’s decided he’s a bigger, juicier catch than the
man from whom he rescued her...?
FEEL it? Now doesn’t that spark
and perk up all our SENSE involvement in the intimate, individual
DISCOVERIES of your hero and heroine? When we can VISUALIZE and FEEL
their distinct confusions and sensualities, in conflict with what they
fear and want, it generates a RESPONSE in us, your readers.
_900 wds meets the length requested and made changes requested; but...
requested 2nd rewrite next post...
Story Presentation Plan.
How, exactly, is the game's story being told, and who is responsible
for telling it? Do you have pre-rendered cutscenes or in-engine
cutscenes? Who will be putting these scenes together? Perhaps you have
no cutscenes whatsoever, and would like to tell your story on-the-fly.
Is this feasible? Possible?
One of the questions I get asked most frequently is How do I get into game writing? Now, this isn’t the same as How did you get into game writing? Ask ten game writers that question and you’ll get twelve different answers. No, what people are looking for is the clear and well-manicured path into the profession – a certain set of steps to follow that, once completed, will yield a position as a game writer.
This is a perfectly reasonable question to ask, and in a just and fair and logical world, it would have a simple and concise answer. Unfortunately, we are not living in that world. There’s a reason every game writer’s journey is different, and that’s because different companies are looking for different things in a writer. Some embrace the role and smooth the path, some have very specific needs and wants, and some aren’t quite sure what exactly they’re going to do with a writer, but they’re pretty sure someone needs to be generating some text assets for their game right about now. There is no one true way, and anyone who tells you there is, is most likely trying to sell you something they’ve written about how to become a game writer.
That
being said – and bearing in mind that I am not, in fact, trying to sell
you anything – there are a few things you can do to advance toward game
writing. They’re not hard and fast, there’s no achievement unlocked
after accomplishing them, and they may seem a little counter-intuitive
in places. But in 14 years of doing this, I haven’t found anything
better. So, if you want to be a game writer, here’s what you’ve got to
do:Check Your Ego
If you believe that you are going to walk in the door as a writer, elucidate your grandiose vision for the story you want to tell and have the development team magically transmogrify into Oompa-Loompas who are there to actualize that vision, you may find yourself sadly disappointed. A writer is part of a team, there to mesh harmoniously with folks from other disciplines in order to create the player experience. Fail to understand that you are part of a team – that you are creating assets and providing deliverables, not cavorting through the fields of the Swiss Alps in a smock whilst declaiming Romantic poetry that the rest of us are privileged to hear – and you will probably also fail to understand why nobody wants to work with you.
Play Games
If you want to write games, play games. To write for any medium, you need to understand that medium’s unique form and demands. The best way to acquire that knowledge is to consume that medium, and by consuming that medium – or as we call it, “sitting your butt on the damn couch and playing some games” – gain both experiential and instinctive knowledge of what works.
It’s not the only thing, of course. You don’t sit through twelve hours of Dynasty Warriors 8 and emerge with the knowledge of how to write meaningful systemic dialog chewing its way out of your head like a particularly hungry Athena.
You do, however, walk away with a pretty decent sample size of things
that worked and things that didn’t work, and you can start putting that
knowledge to use in your own work.Observe Games
Of course, when I say “play games” I don’t just mean “play games.” Racking up body count in adversarial is cool, but if you’re focused exclusively on optimizing your play, you’re missing the chance to observe game writing in its natural habitat.
So play as a player, but also play as a writer. Listen to the dialog. Observe the visual storytelling. Look at the text that gets used, and ask yourself why those choices might have been made. See if you can reverse engineer – and thus understand – the narrative design.
Do this, and you’ll get a better grasp of how game writing works when the rubber hits the road. It’s not just the words, it’s when the words get used, and how many, and to what end, and where there are no words at all. Watch the game as you play it, and learn.
Make Games
The best way to learn what works as writing in a game is to get your writing in a game. Luckily, we’re in a place in the evolution of the industry when it’s possible to get your writing in a game even if you’re not working for a game company.
Go find yourself a Game Jam, or haunt a local college’s CS department bulletin boards to find groups that are making games on their own. Offer your services as a writer, even if all they need is menu text. Grab a tool kit and make something with your words in it. Get your stuff in a game and see how it plays.
And I’ll be honest here – odds are your first few cracks at it aren’t going to be great. That’s OK. This is the space where you can learn, and you can get better without your employment being on the line. Because the more games you write for, the better you’ll get at recognizing what does and doesn’t work, and the quicker you’ll build the habits of good work you’re going to need.
Besides, it doesn’t hurt to have actual, honest-to-Murgatroyd games in your portfolio.
Tweet
And by tweet, I don’t mean HAW HAW CAT VIDEO LOL. One of the things Twitter does is force you to phrase complete thoughts in a constrained space. This is entirely akin to writing for games, where you must on occasion phrase a complete thought in a space that is entirely constrained by the number of characters the German localization is going to require. Or, more likely, constrained by the fact that you don’t want your dialog to ramble, potentially interrupting gameplay in the process.
So tweet, and tweet smart. Learn how to write short, pithy sentences that communicate a point. And lay off the cat videos.
Talk With Game Writers
The best way to learn about the job is to talk to people who have done the job. This is not a surprise, nor is it unique to game writing. So, if you’re interested in the role, find ways to interact with people who are doing it. Go to conferences where game writers are speaking. Follow them on social media and engage – respectfully. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions goes a lot further than Why did you make that incredibly stupid decision in your last game? Look to the IGDA Game Writing Special Interest Group and get on their mailing list. Make a reputation for yourself as someone who can engage cogently and professionally, and who has interesting things to say about the subject matter.
Also, don’t be a jerk.
If you do these things there’s a better shot that when someone has an opening and your name gets floated as a possibility, you’ll get a positive response. As opposed to, say, slagging a writer on your blog and then turning around and asking them for work. Because that always goes so well.
Taking the Next Steps
Will doing all these things get you a job as a game writer? No. Knocking on doors, sending out resumes, applying for gigs and presenting good work in your portfolio will actually get you the job. But if you do these things, you’re in a better position to be ready to knock on doors – and to be prepared to seize the opportunity when somebody answers.
For more of Dansky’s advice for writers, check out this post:
Tips for Writers
