Example 2 of writing for clients, rewrite of initial order: Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing

Example 2 of writing for clients, rewrite of initial order:
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
 
By Neale Sourna

Hey, are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne, that’s more flavored water than sparkling? Well, romance (falling in love) is an action; so, we’re going ruthlessly search our bland scenes and discover little tender moments to spark our readers’ senses, imagination, and fears, then add the little stuff that exploits our own and your readers’ emotions and expectations.

WRITE TO OUR SENSES

The easiest way to get deeper into your readers’ minds and hearts, and into your characters, is to take individual editing passes through your stories, concentrating one at a time, adding when your couple can SEE, HEAR, TOUCH, SMELL (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and TASTE. It adds flavor and sparks interest right away.

Why?

Because all of us, or nearly all, have all or most of these senses and know what a fresh, crisp SWEET APPLE or a fresh, crisp TART APPLE TASTES like. The SCENT of HOT BREAD, FLORAL COLOGNE, MUSK on a warm body you love. Or WARM MUSK from a body that repels you.

Sensing adds instant tactility and reality; drawing us deeper into your world, so we’ll FEEL the HUG that relaxes us and the SHARP BITE of a whip from a sadist drawing BLOOD from our backs and making us BITE our TONGUES to TASTE.....

This technique is especially useful for those of us who think A LOT and our characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize…. Stop.

Get out of your head, and INTO THEIR BODIES AND EMOTIONS. Use ALL of your senses for your character people; it makes them more real to us. The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in EVERY sentence, till we puke; but, it helps you add LIFE, so do it.

BUT, DON’T FORGET SENSE #6

Depending on your story genre and the type of characters, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing” when the other is simply arriving or FEEL UNREASONABLY agitated enough that they must rush to find them because....

Or it may just be a FEELING of faith in which one or both KNOWS the other will rescue them, love them, or hasn’t truly left them.

Or that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. We’re just on the same track, FEELING the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience. It is weirdly fun and adds a layer of intimate bonding.

AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES

“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that gentle vibration that always signaled that he’s nearby.”

“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed, whatever, her body harden and edge away from me; the worse was holding her yet in my arms, but feeling I was abruptly alone.”

DISCOVERY & RESPONSE

Here’s a little more help. Your characters, your people experience their lives and love, suffer, die, and get reborn as vampires and zombies. Okay, vamps and z’s are only in some cases. But, you, dear storyteller, are our only Guide into this unique world and characters you have shaped, and how your people discover and rediscover themselves and react and respond to it will keep us reading, and sharing your books.

Think about an historical era character who is rescued by a gentleman and, perhaps, now owes the safety of her “virtue” and her life to him. And when he asks can he contact her family, she has no answer.

Hm. Why? I don’t fully know yet, it’s a new work in progress for me; but, for my new heroine, her hero’s question:

Makes her DISCOVER she’s UNCOMFORTABLE (feeling) giving him that information.
 
She also DISCOVERS she FEELS bad about withholding this from him since he’s been nice, respectful, and he’s attractive. Yum.
 
But, she’s not going to cave and give her private information, now (logic action, thoughts controlling her emotions); her reasons are a can of crawly worms she doesn’t want to get into yet, or maybe ever.
This woman will disclose much later, when the EMOTIONAL STAKES ARE HIGHER BETWEEN HEROINE AND HERO; but not now, which also helps my storytelling and yours—postponing, delaying the consummation and climax on this one subject.

That’s only half of telling an intimate story of two (or more) people interacting.

He’s in your written scene, too, and he’s been gracious, kind, etcetera, plus, he’s a man for whom the world usually bends to his will, and although he understands that she is afraid; still:

He’s wondering what the heck is up with a woman apparently alone and who has just survived multiple traumas. Why doesn’t she want her family...? 

Maybe she’s not so innocent?

As you, storyteller, think and FEEL what he feels and thinks, you and he are wondering if she’s decided he’s a bigger, juicier catch than the man from whom he rescued her...? 

FEEL it? Now doesn’t that spark and perk up all our SENSE involvement in the intimate, individual DISCOVERIES of your hero and heroine? When we can VISUALIZE and FEEL their distinct confusions and sensualities, in conflict with what they fear and want, it generates a RESPONSE in us, your readers.

_900 wds meets the length requested and made changes requested; but...
requested 2nd rewrite next post...