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Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Example 3 of writing and rewriting for clients; 2nd rewrite: Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
Example 3 of writing and rewriting for clients; 2nd rewrite:
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne; more flavored water than sparkling? Well, romance (falling in love) is an action that needs to be active; so, ruthlessly search your bland scenes to locate blah moments to reshape into tender moments that spark alive your readers’ senses, imagination, and fears, by adding little triggers that exploit, in a good way, your readers’ emotions and expectations, by...
WRITING TO OUR SENSES
The easiest way to slip deeper into your characters and readers’ minds and hearts is to take individual editing passes through your stories, concentrating on one sense at a time, to add when each lover can see, hear, touch, smell (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and taste. It adds flavor and sparks sensory interest right away.
Why?
Because most of us have five senses for perceiving the world around us. We know what a fresh, crisp sweet apple or a fresh, crisp tart apple tastes like, know the scent of hot bread, floral cologne, musk on a body that attracts us, or musk from somebody who repels us.
Writing to our senses adds instant tactility and reality; luring a reader deeper into your world. We’ll feel the hug that relaxes us in a plump grandmother's arms or the sharp bite of a sadist's whip drawing blood from our backs, while making us bite our tongues against the pain to taste.....
This technique is especially useful for writers who think excessively more than allow the feeling and their story characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize….
Stop.
Step out of your head and your readers will follow into their sense body and emotions. Sounds and scents and touch and sight can trigger emotions, both good and bad, long-standing or passing. So, use all of your main characters' senses; it makes them more real to us, turning them into real people.
The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in every sentence, till we puke, unless that's the plan; but, it helps add the sparkle of life, so do it.
BUT, DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your genre and character types, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing.” I know many close relatives or friends who actually do this in their own lives. It's when one has an unexplainable knowing, from simply being able to sense their lover's unplanned arrival or phone call, or to feel unreasonably agitated enough that they must rush to make certain their wife, husband, child, or friend is safe.
It may just be a feeling of assured faith and knowing the other will rescue them, love them forever, or hasn’t truly left them.
It can also be that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. It's just two people feeling the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience. It is weirdly fun and adds a layer of intimate bonding.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that gentle vibration that always signaled that he’s nearby.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed, whatever, her body harden and edge away from me; the worse was holding her yet in my arms, but feeling I was abruptly alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Here’s more help.
Your character people experience love, suffer, die, and some are reborn as vampires or zombies in love. It's in your hands how your lovers discover and rediscover what they feel, what they understand and when, and how, when or if they respond to this stimuli.
In the novel HOBBLE, the relationship of my main couple, Day and Benn, is highly erotic, an instant bonfire, but a significant and more important and binding part of their story plays on psychological levels of dependency, on spiritual need both oppressed and heightened, and on discovering their most romantically needy and protected selves, hidden even from themselves, while their responses to having such needs met pulls each deeper into emotional involvement and investment in the other.
Example, Benn has a hidden and unspoken desire for his lovers show him PDA (public displays of affection). He's been in relationships with professional women and also one who belonged to a religious cultural background that discourages such openness; so he's never brought it up, nor truly allows himself to expect it.
Day, however, as a woman long abused and crippled (hobbled) on many levels has nearly a psychic manner in knowing what they desire. So, Day understands Benn on levels he doesn't understand himself, until his involvement with her.
In turn, he instills in her a feeling of security and love, making her discover that she needn't tolerate others' unwanted desires and that she's worthy of more than being a sexual plaything, and responds by demanding more.
Our senses are easy things to use, leading your characters and readers into more interesting levels, perking up your readers' sensory involvement in the intimate discoveries of your hero and heroine.
Because when we better visualize and feel, it generates a response within us.
_889 wds
Client kind of liked yet not satisfied with it and asked if I minded if they would rewrite to suit themselves. No, don't mind.
I've worked with with client a long time ago, but didn't mention it to them. It's nice to know it's just conflict of style.
My repeat clients and most of my single clients, well, we match and complete one another. Sometimes not so much... End of this visual tale.
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne; more flavored water than sparkling? Well, romance (falling in love) is an action that needs to be active; so, ruthlessly search your bland scenes to locate blah moments to reshape into tender moments that spark alive your readers’ senses, imagination, and fears, by adding little triggers that exploit, in a good way, your readers’ emotions and expectations, by...
WRITING TO OUR SENSES
The easiest way to slip deeper into your characters and readers’ minds and hearts is to take individual editing passes through your stories, concentrating on one sense at a time, to add when each lover can see, hear, touch, smell (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and taste. It adds flavor and sparks sensory interest right away.
Why?
Because most of us have five senses for perceiving the world around us. We know what a fresh, crisp sweet apple or a fresh, crisp tart apple tastes like, know the scent of hot bread, floral cologne, musk on a body that attracts us, or musk from somebody who repels us.
Writing to our senses adds instant tactility and reality; luring a reader deeper into your world. We’ll feel the hug that relaxes us in a plump grandmother's arms or the sharp bite of a sadist's whip drawing blood from our backs, while making us bite our tongues against the pain to taste.....
This technique is especially useful for writers who think excessively more than allow the feeling and their story characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize….
Stop.
Step out of your head and your readers will follow into their sense body and emotions. Sounds and scents and touch and sight can trigger emotions, both good and bad, long-standing or passing. So, use all of your main characters' senses; it makes them more real to us, turning them into real people.
The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in every sentence, till we puke, unless that's the plan; but, it helps add the sparkle of life, so do it.
BUT, DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your genre and character types, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing.” I know many close relatives or friends who actually do this in their own lives. It's when one has an unexplainable knowing, from simply being able to sense their lover's unplanned arrival or phone call, or to feel unreasonably agitated enough that they must rush to make certain their wife, husband, child, or friend is safe.
It may just be a feeling of assured faith and knowing the other will rescue them, love them forever, or hasn’t truly left them.
It can also be that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. It's just two people feeling the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience. It is weirdly fun and adds a layer of intimate bonding.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that gentle vibration that always signaled that he’s nearby.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed, whatever, her body harden and edge away from me; the worse was holding her yet in my arms, but feeling I was abruptly alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Here’s more help.
Your character people experience love, suffer, die, and some are reborn as vampires or zombies in love. It's in your hands how your lovers discover and rediscover what they feel, what they understand and when, and how, when or if they respond to this stimuli.
In the novel HOBBLE, the relationship of my main couple, Day and Benn, is highly erotic, an instant bonfire, but a significant and more important and binding part of their story plays on psychological levels of dependency, on spiritual need both oppressed and heightened, and on discovering their most romantically needy and protected selves, hidden even from themselves, while their responses to having such needs met pulls each deeper into emotional involvement and investment in the other.
Example, Benn has a hidden and unspoken desire for his lovers show him PDA (public displays of affection). He's been in relationships with professional women and also one who belonged to a religious cultural background that discourages such openness; so he's never brought it up, nor truly allows himself to expect it.
Day, however, as a woman long abused and crippled (hobbled) on many levels has nearly a psychic manner in knowing what they desire. So, Day understands Benn on levels he doesn't understand himself, until his involvement with her.
In turn, he instills in her a feeling of security and love, making her discover that she needn't tolerate others' unwanted desires and that she's worthy of more than being a sexual plaything, and responds by demanding more.
Our senses are easy things to use, leading your characters and readers into more interesting levels, perking up your readers' sensory involvement in the intimate discoveries of your hero and heroine.
Because when we better visualize and feel, it generates a response within us.
_889 wds
Client kind of liked yet not satisfied with it and asked if I minded if they would rewrite to suit themselves. No, don't mind.
I've worked with with client a long time ago, but didn't mention it to them. It's nice to know it's just conflict of style.
My repeat clients and most of my single clients, well, we match and complete one another. Sometimes not so much... End of this visual tale.
Example 2 of writing for clients, rewrite of initial order: Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
Example 2 of writing for clients, rewrite of initial order:
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Hey, are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne, that’s more flavored water than sparkling? Well, romance (falling in love) is an action; so, we’re going ruthlessly search our bland scenes and discover little tender moments to spark our readers’ senses, imagination, and fears, then add the little stuff that exploits our own and your readers’ emotions and expectations.
WRITE TO OUR SENSES
The easiest way to get deeper into your readers’ minds and hearts, and into your characters, is to take individual editing passes through your stories, concentrating one at a time, adding when your couple can SEE, HEAR, TOUCH, SMELL (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and TASTE. It adds flavor and sparks interest right away.
Why?
Because all of us, or nearly all, have all or most of these senses and know what a fresh, crisp SWEET APPLE or a fresh, crisp TART APPLE TASTES like. The SCENT of HOT BREAD, FLORAL COLOGNE, MUSK on a warm body you love. Or WARM MUSK from a body that repels you.
Sensing adds instant tactility and reality; drawing us deeper into your world, so we’ll FEEL the HUG that relaxes us and the SHARP BITE of a whip from a sadist drawing BLOOD from our backs and making us BITE our TONGUES to TASTE.....
This technique is especially useful for those of us who think A LOT and our characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize…. Stop.
Get out of your head, and INTO THEIR BODIES AND EMOTIONS. Use ALL of your senses for your character people; it makes them more real to us. The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in EVERY sentence, till we puke; but, it helps you add LIFE, so do it.
BUT, DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your story genre and the type of characters, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing” when the other is simply arriving or FEEL UNREASONABLY agitated enough that they must rush to find them because....
Or it may just be a FEELING of faith in which one or both KNOWS the other will rescue them, love them, or hasn’t truly left them.
Or that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. We’re just on the same track, FEELING the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience. It is weirdly fun and adds a layer of intimate bonding.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that gentle vibration that always signaled that he’s nearby.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed, whatever, her body harden and edge away from me; the worse was holding her yet in my arms, but feeling I was abruptly alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Here’s a little more help. Your characters, your people experience their lives and love, suffer, die, and get reborn as vampires and zombies. Okay, vamps and z’s are only in some cases. But, you, dear storyteller, are our only Guide into this unique world and characters you have shaped, and how your people discover and rediscover themselves and react and respond to it will keep us reading, and sharing your books.
Think about an historical era character who is rescued by a gentleman and, perhaps, now owes the safety of her “virtue” and her life to him. And when he asks can he contact her family, she has no answer.
Hm. Why? I don’t fully know yet, it’s a new work in progress for me; but, for my new heroine, her hero’s question:
Makes her DISCOVER she’s UNCOMFORTABLE (feeling) giving him that information.
She also DISCOVERS she FEELS bad about withholding this from him since he’s been nice, respectful, and he’s attractive. Yum.
But, she’s not going to cave and give her private information, now (logic action, thoughts controlling her emotions); her reasons are a can of crawly worms she doesn’t want to get into yet, or maybe ever.
This woman will disclose much later, when the EMOTIONAL STAKES ARE HIGHER BETWEEN HEROINE AND HERO; but not now, which also helps my storytelling and yours—postponing, delaying the consummation and climax on this one subject.
That’s only half of telling an intimate story of two (or more) people interacting.
He’s in your written scene, too, and he’s been gracious, kind, etcetera, plus, he’s a man for whom the world usually bends to his will, and although he understands that she is afraid; still:
He’s wondering what the heck is up with a woman apparently alone and who has just survived multiple traumas. Why doesn’t she want her family...?
Maybe she’s not so innocent?
As you, storyteller, think and FEEL what he feels and thinks, you and he are wondering if she’s decided he’s a bigger, juicier catch than the man from whom he rescued her...?
FEEL it? Now doesn’t that spark and perk up all our SENSE involvement in the intimate, individual DISCOVERIES of your hero and heroine? When we can VISUALIZE and FEEL their distinct confusions and sensualities, in conflict with what they fear and want, it generates a RESPONSE in us, your readers.
_900 wds meets the length requested and made changes requested; but...
requested 2nd rewrite next post...
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Hey, are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne, that’s more flavored water than sparkling? Well, romance (falling in love) is an action; so, we’re going ruthlessly search our bland scenes and discover little tender moments to spark our readers’ senses, imagination, and fears, then add the little stuff that exploits our own and your readers’ emotions and expectations.
WRITE TO OUR SENSES
The easiest way to get deeper into your readers’ minds and hearts, and into your characters, is to take individual editing passes through your stories, concentrating one at a time, adding when your couple can SEE, HEAR, TOUCH, SMELL (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and TASTE. It adds flavor and sparks interest right away.
Why?
Because all of us, or nearly all, have all or most of these senses and know what a fresh, crisp SWEET APPLE or a fresh, crisp TART APPLE TASTES like. The SCENT of HOT BREAD, FLORAL COLOGNE, MUSK on a warm body you love. Or WARM MUSK from a body that repels you.
Sensing adds instant tactility and reality; drawing us deeper into your world, so we’ll FEEL the HUG that relaxes us and the SHARP BITE of a whip from a sadist drawing BLOOD from our backs and making us BITE our TONGUES to TASTE.....
This technique is especially useful for those of us who think A LOT and our characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize…. Stop.
Get out of your head, and INTO THEIR BODIES AND EMOTIONS. Use ALL of your senses for your character people; it makes them more real to us. The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in EVERY sentence, till we puke; but, it helps you add LIFE, so do it.
BUT, DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your story genre and the type of characters, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing” when the other is simply arriving or FEEL UNREASONABLY agitated enough that they must rush to find them because....
Or it may just be a FEELING of faith in which one or both KNOWS the other will rescue them, love them, or hasn’t truly left them.
Or that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. We’re just on the same track, FEELING the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience. It is weirdly fun and adds a layer of intimate bonding.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that gentle vibration that always signaled that he’s nearby.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed, whatever, her body harden and edge away from me; the worse was holding her yet in my arms, but feeling I was abruptly alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Here’s a little more help. Your characters, your people experience their lives and love, suffer, die, and get reborn as vampires and zombies. Okay, vamps and z’s are only in some cases. But, you, dear storyteller, are our only Guide into this unique world and characters you have shaped, and how your people discover and rediscover themselves and react and respond to it will keep us reading, and sharing your books.
Think about an historical era character who is rescued by a gentleman and, perhaps, now owes the safety of her “virtue” and her life to him. And when he asks can he contact her family, she has no answer.
Hm. Why? I don’t fully know yet, it’s a new work in progress for me; but, for my new heroine, her hero’s question:
Makes her DISCOVER she’s UNCOMFORTABLE (feeling) giving him that information.
She also DISCOVERS she FEELS bad about withholding this from him since he’s been nice, respectful, and he’s attractive. Yum.
But, she’s not going to cave and give her private information, now (logic action, thoughts controlling her emotions); her reasons are a can of crawly worms she doesn’t want to get into yet, or maybe ever.
This woman will disclose much later, when the EMOTIONAL STAKES ARE HIGHER BETWEEN HEROINE AND HERO; but not now, which also helps my storytelling and yours—postponing, delaying the consummation and climax on this one subject.
That’s only half of telling an intimate story of two (or more) people interacting.
He’s in your written scene, too, and he’s been gracious, kind, etcetera, plus, he’s a man for whom the world usually bends to his will, and although he understands that she is afraid; still:
He’s wondering what the heck is up with a woman apparently alone and who has just survived multiple traumas. Why doesn’t she want her family...?
Maybe she’s not so innocent?
As you, storyteller, think and FEEL what he feels and thinks, you and he are wondering if she’s decided he’s a bigger, juicier catch than the man from whom he rescued her...?
FEEL it? Now doesn’t that spark and perk up all our SENSE involvement in the intimate, individual DISCOVERIES of your hero and heroine? When we can VISUALIZE and FEEL their distinct confusions and sensualities, in conflict with what they fear and want, it generates a RESPONSE in us, your readers.
_900 wds meets the length requested and made changes requested; but...
requested 2nd rewrite next post...
Example 1 of writing for clients: Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
Example 1 of writing for clients:
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Hey, are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne that’s more flavored water than sparkling? Well, let’s generate some sparks and flames. And it won’t be painful, not unless you make it so. So don’t.
You see it in films and TV shows, two actors standing together and supposedly in a budding or growing or full-blown relationship … and yet you don’t believe them. You feel nothing for them, not truly. You don’t care what really happens to them, especially not as two who should be together.
When someone writes this, you say you can do better: when it’s your own characters it’s … painful, and frustrating. Have you written…?
TO OUR SENSES
One of the easiest ways to get deeper into your readers’ minds and hearts and into your characters, because CHARACTER IS EVERYTHING, is to take several editing passes through your stories, concentrating one at a time, and add when your couple can see, hear, touch, smell (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and taste. It adds flavor and sparks interest right away.
Why?
Because all of us, or nearly all, have all or most of these senses and know what a fresh, crisp sweet apple or a fresh, crisp tart apple tastes like. The scent of hot bread, floral cologne, musk on a warm body that you love. Or musk from a body that repels you.
Naughty right? Plus, you’ve just drawn us into your world that we feel the hug that relaxes you and the bite of a whip from a sadist that draws your blood and makes you bite your tongue to taste…?
This is especially useful for those of us who think A LOT and say our characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize….
Get out of your head, and theirs. Try using all of your senses for your people. The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in every sentence, but you can add that spark, so do.
DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your story and the type of characters, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing” when the other is arriving or feel agitated that they must call home or get to wherever they are because their partner needs them badly.
Or it may just be a feeling of faith in which one or both KNOWS the other will rescue them, love them, hasn’t truly left them.
Or that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. We’re just on the same track, feeling the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience and now this is the another layer to it.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that vibration that signaled … him and his nearby presence.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed her pull away from me; her body hardened, edged away from me; but, the worse was that, while still holding her, I abruptly felt alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Your characters, your people experience their world, like you and I and our family and friends do. They are real, in that world, and can be in your readers’ minds and hearts. Who hasn’t grown up and had to have it explained to them that, no, Sherlock Holmes who lives at 221-B Bakers Street isn’t and never was a living, breathing person. Are you certain?
Your characters live, love, suffer, die, and get reborn as vampires and zombies, okay, vamps and z’s are only in some cases. You, however, are our Guide in this individual world you have shaped, you are the Guide to who your people are and how they discover and rediscover themselves and react and respond to it.
Think about an historical era character who is rescued by a gentleman and, perhaps, now owes him her “virtue” and maybe even her life. And when he asks can he contact her family, she has no answer. Why? I don’t fully know yet, it’s a new work in progress for me; but, for her, his question:
Makes her stutter to a pause, and discover she’s uncomfortable giving him that information.
She also discovers she feels bad about withholding this from him because he’s been really nice, respectful, and he’s kind of really attractive.
And she’s not going to cave and give her private information now; it’s a can of crawly worms she doesn’t want to got into yet, or maybe ever. She will much later, but not now, which also helps your storytelling, postponing, delaying consummation and climax.
That’s only part of it, half of your writing because you are telling an intimate story of two (or more) people interacting and he’s in the scene, too, and he’s been gracious, kind, etcetera and he’s a man who commands respect and the world usually bends to his will and although he understands that she is afraid; still:
He’s gonna wonder what the heck is up with a woman all alone in the world who’s just survived multiple traumas and he’s giving her carte blanche to return to her family or at least contact them.
If you yourself helped someone escape a violent danger and took them home, wouldn’t you feel or think this is strange behaviour; especially in a time when most women never went farther than five miles from home their entire lives?
He’s also thinking he’s powerful and wealthy, or at least you are thinking and feeling these things for or with him and wondering if maybe she might just decided he’s a big, juicy catch of the day for her and she’s got, hm, who or what she’s avoiding as family?
Now with all our SENSES involved with them and your layering of your possible or actual lovers DISCOVERY of their own confusions, senses, and sensuality in conflict with themselves in wanting to be attractive and tractable but, instead, generating a negative RESPONSE….
WATCH YOUR TONE!
Okay, you don’t want to get too naughty, or you do; you don’t want to fall into erotica, and just want to stay in romance or romantic. Fine. That’s your choice, it’s your story make it your style(s), done in your way.
I and my friends can read Dr. Seuss like it’s porn; it’s all in the tone that you control as soft or hard, making it merely romance, harder romance, erotica romance, romantic erotica, or erotica. “What’s in a name?” What is your tone?
Some stories require an austere, upright, aloof manner. Others require an open friendly, “Here, dude,” or “Here, girlfriend,” sense to it. Hm, another SENSE, people.
Stream or watch a recording that you can control, by going back and listening and watching and listening for how words are said, which words are used (because differing education levels and other matters can alter or change that.
I love theater and work as a stage manager sometimes, which gives me the chance to watch actors choose, discard, and make new choices in rehearsals how to express those words, or the hidden meaning or a contrast of them, and what movements or stillness, how LOUD or how softly whispered, or intensely hushed….
You don’t have to work backstage, but you should have the eyes and ears of a stage manager who has scrutinized over many hours and many weeks the many ways to express what the writer wants AND what the director wants as a layer of that director’s expression of the material.
If you can go to live theater dramas, comedies, and tragedies done in our local area. Yes, we all watch television and all watch films but you don’t always ACTIVELY LISTEN for HOW actors or “real” people caught on the news SAY things with their mouths, SAY things with their eyes, or just with their mute expression or body attitude. HOW they move their bodies, HOW they express with and without words.
Does a character hum when they are nervous? Sing when they are happy? I’ve been known to hum “Whistle While You Work” when I’m intensely annoyed at work but must still handle many people or difficult ones.
===
Client's requested rewrite changes in next post.
Perking Up Boring Romance (Action) Writing
By Neale Sourna
Hey, are your stories of sizzling love fizzling out like tired champagne that’s more flavored water than sparkling? Well, let’s generate some sparks and flames. And it won’t be painful, not unless you make it so. So don’t.
You see it in films and TV shows, two actors standing together and supposedly in a budding or growing or full-blown relationship … and yet you don’t believe them. You feel nothing for them, not truly. You don’t care what really happens to them, especially not as two who should be together.
When someone writes this, you say you can do better: when it’s your own characters it’s … painful, and frustrating. Have you written…?
TO OUR SENSES
One of the easiest ways to get deeper into your readers’ minds and hearts and into your characters, because CHARACTER IS EVERYTHING, is to take several editing passes through your stories, concentrating one at a time, and add when your couple can see, hear, touch, smell (let’s say “scent,” sounds less odious), and taste. It adds flavor and sparks interest right away.
Why?
Because all of us, or nearly all, have all or most of these senses and know what a fresh, crisp sweet apple or a fresh, crisp tart apple tastes like. The scent of hot bread, floral cologne, musk on a warm body that you love. Or musk from a body that repels you.
Naughty right? Plus, you’ve just drawn us into your world that we feel the hug that relaxes you and the bite of a whip from a sadist that draws your blood and makes you bite your tongue to taste…?
This is especially useful for those of us who think A LOT and say our characters do too. They think, they thought, they realize….
Get out of your head, and theirs. Try using all of your senses for your people. The first time I did this in a script it made everything pop and more rich. Of course, don’t use it in every sentence, but you can add that spark, so do.
DON’T FORGET SENSE #6
Depending on your story and the type of characters, your couple or one of them may have a sense of “knowing” when the other is arriving or feel agitated that they must call home or get to wherever they are because their partner needs them badly.
Or it may just be a feeling of faith in which one or both KNOWS the other will rescue them, love them, hasn’t truly left them.
Or that “jinx” thing, when two people say or do the same thing at the same time. I do this all the time with family members and close friends. We’re just on the same track, feeling the same vibe, or recalling the same shared experience and now this is the another layer to it.
AND DON’T FORGET THE LACK OF OUR SENSES
“When I entered I couldn’t sense him, not even that gentle scent of his cologne, and not that vibration that signaled … him and his nearby presence.”
“Disconcertingly, although we were in the dance’s embrace, I felt, sensed her pull away from me; her body hardened, edged away from me; but, the worse was that, while still holding her, I abruptly felt alone.”
DISCOVERY & RESPONSE
Your characters, your people experience their world, like you and I and our family and friends do. They are real, in that world, and can be in your readers’ minds and hearts. Who hasn’t grown up and had to have it explained to them that, no, Sherlock Holmes who lives at 221-B Bakers Street isn’t and never was a living, breathing person. Are you certain?
Your characters live, love, suffer, die, and get reborn as vampires and zombies, okay, vamps and z’s are only in some cases. You, however, are our Guide in this individual world you have shaped, you are the Guide to who your people are and how they discover and rediscover themselves and react and respond to it.
Think about an historical era character who is rescued by a gentleman and, perhaps, now owes him her “virtue” and maybe even her life. And when he asks can he contact her family, she has no answer. Why? I don’t fully know yet, it’s a new work in progress for me; but, for her, his question:
Makes her stutter to a pause, and discover she’s uncomfortable giving him that information.
She also discovers she feels bad about withholding this from him because he’s been really nice, respectful, and he’s kind of really attractive.
And she’s not going to cave and give her private information now; it’s a can of crawly worms she doesn’t want to got into yet, or maybe ever. She will much later, but not now, which also helps your storytelling, postponing, delaying consummation and climax.
That’s only part of it, half of your writing because you are telling an intimate story of two (or more) people interacting and he’s in the scene, too, and he’s been gracious, kind, etcetera and he’s a man who commands respect and the world usually bends to his will and although he understands that she is afraid; still:
He’s gonna wonder what the heck is up with a woman all alone in the world who’s just survived multiple traumas and he’s giving her carte blanche to return to her family or at least contact them.
If you yourself helped someone escape a violent danger and took them home, wouldn’t you feel or think this is strange behaviour; especially in a time when most women never went farther than five miles from home their entire lives?
He’s also thinking he’s powerful and wealthy, or at least you are thinking and feeling these things for or with him and wondering if maybe she might just decided he’s a big, juicy catch of the day for her and she’s got, hm, who or what she’s avoiding as family?
Now with all our SENSES involved with them and your layering of your possible or actual lovers DISCOVERY of their own confusions, senses, and sensuality in conflict with themselves in wanting to be attractive and tractable but, instead, generating a negative RESPONSE….
WATCH YOUR TONE!
Okay, you don’t want to get too naughty, or you do; you don’t want to fall into erotica, and just want to stay in romance or romantic. Fine. That’s your choice, it’s your story make it your style(s), done in your way.
I and my friends can read Dr. Seuss like it’s porn; it’s all in the tone that you control as soft or hard, making it merely romance, harder romance, erotica romance, romantic erotica, or erotica. “What’s in a name?” What is your tone?
Some stories require an austere, upright, aloof manner. Others require an open friendly, “Here, dude,” or “Here, girlfriend,” sense to it. Hm, another SENSE, people.
Stream or watch a recording that you can control, by going back and listening and watching and listening for how words are said, which words are used (because differing education levels and other matters can alter or change that.
I love theater and work as a stage manager sometimes, which gives me the chance to watch actors choose, discard, and make new choices in rehearsals how to express those words, or the hidden meaning or a contrast of them, and what movements or stillness, how LOUD or how softly whispered, or intensely hushed….
You don’t have to work backstage, but you should have the eyes and ears of a stage manager who has scrutinized over many hours and many weeks the many ways to express what the writer wants AND what the director wants as a layer of that director’s expression of the material.
If you can go to live theater dramas, comedies, and tragedies done in our local area. Yes, we all watch television and all watch films but you don’t always ACTIVELY LISTEN for HOW actors or “real” people caught on the news SAY things with their mouths, SAY things with their eyes, or just with their mute expression or body attitude. HOW they move their bodies, HOW they express with and without words.
Does a character hum when they are nervous? Sing when they are happy? I’ve been known to hum “Whistle While You Work” when I’m intensely annoyed at work but must still handle many people or difficult ones.
===
Client's requested rewrite changes in next post.
Monday, July 18, 2016
Neale Sourna's HOBBLE Critics' Reviews and Novel Excerpt
Neale Sourna's HOBBLE Critics' Reviews!
"Dipping into several genres from erotica to mystery, even sprinkling a
little comedy into the mix, Sourne created a story like no other. This
... tale had me shaking my head in astonishment and I can honestly say I
never read anything like Hobble before.
Sourne wrote a novel with such a large supply of twist and turns
it'll have you dropping your mouth in shock. But be forewarned, Hobble
has a crazy mix of characters.... Some of the sex scenes had me (a
person who loves erotica) squirming.
Although the book is racy, it was an interesting read and should
be picked up by anyone who enjoys reading something different from the
norm."
—Joy Farringdon, Nubian Sistas Review
READ Full Review
* * *
"Hobble
is a story of lust and obsessive sex ... I was so moved ... I went back
to my (Franklin) dictionary ... hobble means to limp along ... to
impede ... to tie-up, shackle or leash ... all of [which] were used in
this steamy story, of sex, incest and betrayal!"
—Delores Thornton, BlackRefer.com Reviews
READ Delores' full review
[A BlackRefer.com Review]
* * *
More Reviews
* * *
YB Free - Reviewed By: Jennifer Walford
The YBFree.com review of HOBBLE:
"A dark, strange, and pyschologically violent novel that delved
deep into how sex can be used as a vile weapon of manipulation and
oppression. HOBBLE had many of the ingredients one expects from a good
novel; theme, plot, likeable characters, and characters one just loves
to hate. Literally every other sentence in the book is filled with some
extremely graphic sexual acts. The characters in this story have sex
about 75 percent of the book."
Monday, July 11, 2016
Neale Sourna's Eclectic and Covers Radio at SHOUTcast
http://www.shoutcast.com/Search# then SEARCH for Eclectic and Covers
neale sourna, eclectic and covers, shoutcast, online radio, streaming audio
neale sourna, eclectic and covers, shoutcast, online radio, streaming audio
Monday, July 04, 2016
Online Radio and Online Fiction (and more...) from Neale Sourna
RADIO from Neale Sourna
Truly eclectic music variety.
eclectic music variety: pop, rock, jazz, r&b, hip hop, classical, world, country, soundtracks...
i.e., WHO'S LOVING YOU by Brenda and the Tabulations' original, plus song covers from Michael Jackson’s Jackson Five, & Jessica Mauboy's version from the film THE SAPPHIRES
http://www.radionomy.com/en/radio/eclecticandcovers/index
http://streaming.radionomy.com/EclecticandCovers?lang=en-US%2cen%3bq%3d0.5
http://streaming.radionomy.com/EclecticandCovers
http://www.radioline.co/search-result-for-Eclectic-and-Covers
http://www.radioshaker.com/
http://streema.com/radios/search/?q=Eclectic+and+Covers
http://www.radioforest.net/radio/eclectic-and-covers/755646
http://www.dinesat.fm/
http://www.stationzilla.com/?listen=Eclectic+and+Covers&is=1
- Originals
- Covers, and
- Remixes.
eclectic music variety: pop, rock, jazz, r&b, hip hop, classical, world, country, soundtracks...
i.e., WHO'S LOVING YOU by Brenda and the Tabulations' original, plus song covers from Michael Jackson’s Jackson Five, & Jessica Mauboy's version from the film THE SAPPHIRES
http://www.radionomy.com/en/radio/eclecticandcovers/index
http://streaming.radionomy.com/EclecticandCovers?lang=en-US%2cen%3bq%3d0.5
http://streaming.radionomy.com/EclecticandCovers
http://www.radioline.co/search-result-for-Eclectic-and-Covers
http://www.radioshaker.com/
http://streema.com/radios/search/?q=Eclectic+and+Covers
http://www.radioforest.net/radio/eclectic-and-covers/755646
http://www.dinesat.fm/
http://www.stationzilla.com/?listen=Eclectic+and+Covers&is=1
HARDCORE
Our hardcore main line
[sensuality is R, NC17, X, XXX]
medium and hard erotica / sensual romance / romantic erotica
[sensuality is R, NC17, X, XXX]
medium and hard erotica / sensual romance / romantic erotica
SOFTCORE
Our softcore line
[sensuality is PG13, Soft R]
soft erotica / sensual romance / romantic erotica and general fiction
[sensuality is PG13, Soft R]
soft erotica / sensual romance / romantic erotica and general fiction
NONFICTION
Our nonfiction line
[PG13, R, NC17, X, XXX]
nonfiction
[PG13, R, NC17, X, XXX]
nonfiction
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