Writing Character: 5 unexpected female turn-ons

5 unexpected female turn-ons

By Bob Strauss

Perhaps you studied him in school, and perhaps you didn’t — but in either case, allow me to introduce you to (or refresh your memory about) the French existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre. In intellectual circles, Sartre is best known for suavely documenting the rootless disaffection of post-war bourgeois society, and in political circles, he’s famous (or infamous) for staunchly defending Communism against the cold-war jingoists of the 1950s. 

For the purposes of this article, though, the important thing about Jean-Paul Sartre is that he was spectacularly ugly — even his friends described him as looking like a squat, bug-eyed, bespectacled frog — as well as short (just a shade over five feet tall). And wouldn’t you know it? Women fell all over the guy; Sartre had more torrid love affairs than most university professors have had hot meals.

What’s going on with him that makes him so attractive, then? According to Eric Weisholtz, cofounder of GetOnTheCouch.com, it’s not unusual for women to date guys on the “low end of the hot scale,” saying: “It’s interesting, it gets people talking, it makes the woman feel extremely good-looking by comparison and sometimes having a sexual relationship with an ugly person can feel naughty, taboo or perverse. 

[Actor] Willem Dafoe is a good example. It’s not because he’s rich and famous; it’s because his variety of unattractiveness is, for some reason, quite attractive.” Sure, it’d be nice to think all those French mademoiselles were attracted to Sartre for his high IQ, but you have to admit that Weisholtz has a point.

The reason I’ve gone into this whole Jean-Paul Sartre thing in such depth is to show that attractiveness is, really, subjective — and it might cheer you up to know that what you consider to be a tragic, insurmountable physical or behavioral flaw can actually be catnip to the right woman. 

Here are five unexpected things women are turned on by in men:

1. Body odor. “Double pits to chesty” (the worst slogan in advertising history) aside, not all women appreciate guys who mask their natural scent. Jolene Hanson, the curator of Venice, CA’s G2 Gallery, is one such example, saying, “What turns me on? Natural body odor — I love a guy who smells like a guy should smell.” Perhaps not coincidentally, Hanson says she also likes men who pick up other peoples’ discarded trash on the street: “This is something I do myself, and I love it when a guy shares my passion for the environment.” 

If you decide to stop covering up your natural musk, though, bathe often, especially before a date. (Your smell shouldn’t overwhelm strangers at the next table or distract your date from getting to know you better.)

2. Scars and blemishes. You don’t need to procure a genuine, aristocratic Heidelberg dueling scar to win the hearts of ladies; rather, any “interesting” blemish will do the trick — an oddly shaped birthmark, a distinctive mole on your neck, or that gouge on your cheek from when you fell on your toy fire truck as a toddler. Says Lisa Steadman, author of If He’s Not the One, Who Is?, “Many women are attracted to a man who has scars — partly because scars give the illusion of a dark past, and partly because scars tell a story, and women love a good story about their guy.” 

That said, active, festering wounds still going through the healing process should be kept under wraps until you’re well on your way to a committed relationship.

3. Stereotypically “feminine” traits. For every woman who demands tough, manly, roughly callused hands (and equally firm handshakes), there’s another who prefers the long, slender, lovingly delicate hands of an artiste who’s never so much as twisted a Phillips-head screwdriver — and so on down the list of “feminine” traits, like shy smiles, long eyelashes and piercing giggles. 

Oh, yes, and a fondness for cats. Helen, 52, from Australia, says, “What really gets me is a guy who loves cats. If he’ll sit for an hour on the sofa in an awkward position so as not to disturb the cat, it’s the cutest thing — a tough guy with a soft heart.” 

You don’t have to be the Brawny man to win over a lady, it seems.

4. Vulnerability. Sometimes, being a man’s man can actually turn women off. An increasing number of women appreciate a guy who will cop to his limitations instead of blustering, bluffing and bullying his way through something he knows absolutely nothing about. Says Carrie, 39, from Ontario: “Personally, I find it attractive for a guy to not get all upset if I do something better than he does — for example, if I’m a better shot at pool, faster at rappelling up a cliff, more knowledgeable about trivia, etc. 

I’m not saying he should be an underachiever, just someone who can accept he isn’t ‘the best’ at everything.” So men, know when to say when and ask for help if you need it; it doesn’t make you look weak, it makes you look human.

5. Awkwardness. A woman posting to the About.com dating site shares this story: “I met a man years ago at a radio station where I worked. He was a small, nebbishy guy, kinda nerdy and very awkward. He had these big, soulful eyes and a sad, twisted face. The moment I met him, my heart leapt!” Vanessa, 28, from Iowa, also testifies to the “Woody Allen” effect: “My best guy friend (OK, I’m madly in love with him, too) is a paleontologist, and it makes me melt just to listen to him talk about dinosaurs and rocks. I don’t always understand exactly what he’s even talking about, of course, but I love the passion he has for it and I always get him to explain it to me.” 

So, men, if your guy friends tease you mercilessly about something they’d consider to be a weakness, don’t assume women feel the same way. You might be surprised at how charming your meek, unassuming nature is to ladies!

Women, get the men’s perspective on this issue by reading Five unusual turn-ons for men.

Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.

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Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Writing Character: Five unusual turn-ons for men

Five unusual turn-ons for men

By Bob Strauss

Marcel Proust wrote, “Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination” — and if you’re loath to take dating advice from a French author who wrote a 10,000-page novel about a guy eating a cookie, well, you’ve clearly been brainwashed by decades of movies, TV shows and magazine ads. Me? I empathize more with all those less-than-perfect single women out there. I’m talking about those ladies who may not know that most ordinary guys are attracted to the quirks and so-called “flaws” they’re terrified will doom them to a lifetime of singlehood.

Now that I’ve opened that door, there’s no way to avoid the one supposed “imperfection” that keeps women awake at night above all others — their weight. Allow yourselves to be reassured by Dr. Judy Kuriansky, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating, who says that “many men like plus-sized women with soft bellies. This often happens when they had a mother or nanny who had that kind of body and they felt comforted and enveloped by the mother figure — protected from the world or the insults of other children. Also, men like women with large hips for anthropological reasons — it used to mean that the woman was fertile.” 

And in my own experience, the vast majority of guys (at least, the ones who aren’t on TV shows or in movies) don’t care much about a few — or even 20 or 30 — extra pounds.

1. Glasses. Says Jeff, posting on the Yelp.com message boards: “Every guy loves a girl in glasses, but women never seem to know that. It’s not like we’re keeping it a secret — why would we? It’d mean fewer girls in glasses! Some glasses-lover needs to infiltrate Cosmopolitan magazine and get the word out!” For some guys (mostly the lazy ones who grew up watching teen gross-out comedies), glasses connote a nerdy personality and a high IQ, which can have their own intrinsic appeal; others appreciate them as fashion accessories, while still others have a natural affinity for them because spectacle-wearing women remind them of their mothers or early childhood crushes.

2. Freckles. Just as the deodorant-producing industrial complex has created legions of denatured, pheromone-free men (it turns out that plenty of women like guys with an earthy, musky scent), the powers-that-be in the cosmetics industry have convinced women that their natural freckles need to be buried under thick slabs of spackle and bronzer. Tonja Weimer, writer of the syndicated “Savvy Dating” column, says this is all based on a huge misunderstanding: “Freckles represent being unaffected, natural and relaxed. To some men, they also make a woman appear somewhat ‘innocent’ and less jaded.” 

If you don’t have freckles, try wearing less makeup, which many men also appreciate.

3. An independent streak. In my own experience, the worst thing a woman can do — whether it’s on a first date or after 20 years of marriage — is subsume her naturally ebullient personality in an effort to be more “accommodating” to her partner and avoid making waves. Most guys like a brisk, good-natured argument, and if you nip this possibility in the bud by constantly replying “I agree” or “Yes, you’re right,” the relationship (not to mention the conversation) will go absolutely nowhere. 

On the other hand, though, playing devil’s advocate in every conversation just makes you seem combative. So if you find yourself disagreeing more than not with your date, maybe it’s time to look for someone that’s a better fit for you, personality-wise.

4. Plain Janes. Standards of beauty in today’s media-saturated world have become so artificially elevated that many otherwise attractive women are convinced they’re “homely” because of a slightly bigger nose or a crooked smile. The good news is that most guys don’t care about this stuff; the bad news is that a small minority of men have self-esteem issues of their own and will take advantage of yours when given the opportunity. Eric Weisholtz, cofounder of GetOnTheCouch.com, says that “a man may see a woman who is kind of attractive, a bit awkward, unrefined and — whether she knows it or not — in dire need of someone to coach her toward virtue. It’s like finding a ‘make your own girlfriend’ kit.” 

Don’t feel like being part of a science experiment? Find a guy who likes you for who you are, not what he can make you change about yourself.

5. Assorted quirks. Fran Drescher, star of The Nanny, had a piercing, snorting, abrasive laugh — and all it did was send the ratings of her show through the roof and make her a millionaire many times over. That laugh also unmasked a secret crush that most guys didn’t even know they had: the hot girl with an unexpected quirk. Says Lisa Steadman, author of If He’s Not the One, Who Is?: “You know you’ve met someone who’s a keeper when he or she compliments your quirks. Whether it’s the snort in your laugh or the way you twirl your hair when you’re thinking about something — or the fact that you have to double-check that you hit the alarm button on the car when you get home at night — the right person will think your quirks are adorable.” 

Remember this the next time you’re feeling self-conscious about slurping your straw three times as you finish your iced latte. You might just have the guy next to you entranced instead of annoyed!

Men, get the women’s perspective on this issue by reading 5 unexpected female turn-ons.

Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.

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Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.